…PETA SPEAKS OUT
PETA, People For The Ethical Treatment Of Animals, has issued a statement condemning Siegfried & Roy’s act, saying “No matter how much you say that you love the wild animals whom you have confined,…you are still the men who have subjugated their wills and natures to further your own careers.”
The Show Won’t Go On, Broadway Actors Say
NEW YORK (Reuters) – Theaters along the Great White Way went dark on Friday after Broadway actors and stagehands refused to cross picket lines set up by striking musicians.
The League of American Theaters and Producers, a group representing Broadway theater owners and producers, said all musical shows for this weekend had been canceled. “This is a sad night for Broadway and for New York,” said League President Jed Bernstein.
Theater ticketholders at 17 Broadway musicals, including “Les Miserables,” “42nd Street” and “The Producers,” were left stranded after the musicals said they would not make their traditional 8 p.m. opening curtain.
“We brought kids from Georgia, and they are just disappointed,” said Robin Johnson, a chaperone for 22 high school seniors from Tifton, Georgia who had planned to see “The Producers.”
Their plans to see another musical, “The Lion King,” on Saturday also were doomed, she said as she tried to find another activity for the teenagers.
Musicians, on strike since midnight on Thursday, are in a dispute with producers who want to cut the size of orchestras at the largest theaters to 14 players from as many as 26.
After negotiating throughout the day, union spokesman Shawn Sachs said theater owners walked out of the talks on Friday night. But a spokesman for the theaters, Pat Smith, said the two sides had merely taken a break, with one more meeting scheduled later in the night.
‘VIRTUAL MUSIC’
Producers had been prepared to replace live music with prerecorded, computer-generated “virtual music” beginning with Friday’s shows.
But the job action by the 652 unionized actors added considerable weight to the musicians’ battle to save jobs.
“Our members have made it clear that they do not wish to perform to virtual orchestras,” said Patrick Quinn, president of the Actors’ Equity Association.
Unionized stagehands with the International Alliance of Theatrical Stage Employees told the actors’ union they would honor the picket lines as well, Quinn said.
Actors, who could lose $1.3 million in weekly salary if shows fail to open, joined musicians’ picket lines around the city’s Theater District, saying they could not act with “canned” music.
“Virtual orchestras are not live music — it’s a computer program that sounds like a roller rink,” said Harvey Fierstein, who is starring in “Hairspray,” at the union news conference. “A machine is a dead thing, and that is not why people go to live theater.”
Broadway producers complain that many shows do not need the 26-musician orchestras required in the current contract, leaving them with “walkers,” or hired musicians who sit on the sidelines collecting salary but not playing.
“We love live music, but know of no other industry where workers are paid, but not needed,” said League representative Barry Weissler, producer of the hit musical “Chicago,” at a producers’ news conference on Friday.
Producers call the current system an “archaic” one that unfairly limits their creative control.
The producers said the American Federation of Musicians Local 802 was unwilling to cut minimum orchestra sizes by more than six players.
Musicians, who make a base salary of $1,350 per week, said the producers’ demand is only about money, not creativity, and would put musicians out of work.
“This is my full-time job and a good chunk of my income,” said Ray Kilday, a bassist picketing outside the Marquis Theater, where he plays in the orchestra for “Thoroughly Modern Millie.”
Kilday, who has played on Broadway for 22 years, added that “beefed up synthesizers” will sap performances’ human quality.
Local 802 called its last Broadway strike in September 1975, and nine musicals were shuttered for 25 days.
Hip-Hop Group Urging Pepsi Boycott Over Ads
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) – The hip-hop nation has parted ways with the Pepsi generation until the giant soda maker shows it some respect.
Accusing Pepsi of applying a double standard by placing foul-mouthed rocker Ozzy Osbourne in a Super Bowl commercial only months after yanking rapper Ludacris for his vulgar language, rap icon Russell Simmons on Wednesday called on the hip-hop community to start a boycott next week against PepsiCo Inc.
“The ‘Campaign for Respect’ will be officially launched a week from today,” Simmons said in statement following a press conference in New York on Wednesday. “We’re asking all artists and supporters of hip-hop culture to refrain from supporting Pepsi and PepsiCo products,” he said.
Simmons said the action follows six months of unsuccessful attempts to negotiate a settlement of the dispute.
He said the boycott will continue until Pepsi agrees to certain terms, such as issuing a public apology to Ludacris and the hip-hop community, making a $5 million charitable contribution to the Ludacris Foundation and reinstating the Ludacris Pepsi television commercial.
Purchase, New York-based Pepsi declined to address Simmons’ specific demands, but a company spokesman said on Wednesday that the Ludacris situation was unfortunate for all concerned.
“We learned from it and we moved on. We completely understand and respect Russell Simmons’ passion for promoting hip-hop music and we are working with him and others to do just that,” the spokesman said.
Simmons and the Hip-Hop Summit Action Network (HSAN) had initially planned to announce the boycott during the upcoming National Basketball Association All-Star Weekend in Atlanta.
But a spokeswoman for the non-profit hip-hop group that Simmons co-founded said on Wednesday they pushed up the announcement as word of the action quickly circulated.
She said Simmons still plans to the attend the All-Star game in Atlanta and will be co-hosting a party there with entrepreneur and former NBA star Earvin “Magic” Johnson.
PARTY TOPIC FOR ATLANTA
No formal activities regarding the boycott are planned during the weekend, although the issue is sure to spark a lot of attention at the many star-studded soirees and events surrounding the all-star game in the home town of Pepsi’s rival Coca Cola Co.
Simmons is credited with bringing black, hip-hop culture into the American mainstream over the past 20 years. He is also the founder of Def Jam Records, a unit of entertainment giant Vivendi Universal
The controversy began a few months ago when conservative commentator Bill O’Reilly said Ludacris was foul-mouthed, accused Pepsi of being “immoral” and urged a boycott.
Pepsi caved in to the pressure, yanking its 30-second television spot, stating it had received several consumer complaints about Ludacris’ profanity-laden song lyrics.
In addition to its flagship sodas, PepsiCo makes such household brands as Tropicana orange juice, Gatorade sports drink, Quaker Oats and Frito-Lay snacks.
Coke Mounts Ad Campaign for Classic Brand
ATLANTA (Reuters) – Coca-Cola Co. on Thursday unveiled a new advertising campaign for its slumping Coke Classic brand in the United States, the latest offensive in the soft drink maker’s bitter battle with PepsiCo. Inc. for control of the $30 billion U.S. cola market.
The world’s No. 1 soft drink maker said the campaign, which features actresses Penelope Cruz and Courteney Cox, boxing legend Muhammad Ali and R&B singer Mya, could be adapted and extended to its more than 200 markets around the world later in the year.
The United States is the largest and most important market for Atlanta-based Coca-Cola and its main rival PepsiCo.
Coca-Cola, which has been criticized for poor marketing in recent years, said it attempted to design a unique advertising platform that would strike an authentic, emotional and contemporary chord with consumers, especially teenagers and young adults, who are the key target audience of the campaign.
The tagline “Coca-Cola Real,” a throwback to the 1960’s slogan, “It’s the real thing,” has been added as part of the campaign. The television ads will debut on Monday during the American Music Awards program on the ABC network.
“These ads convey what consumers told us it means to ‘be real’ — being true to yourself, plugging in to life and connecting with others with a natural optimism,” said Esther Lee, chief creative officer with Coca-Cola’s North American division.
More than a dozen new Coke Classic television ads and a number of print and radio spots are scheduled to appear in the first quarter of 2003, including several aimed at the African-American and Hispanic communities, Coca-Cola said.
Some ads will be tied to Coke’s sponsorship of NASCAR racing and NCAA sports.
World-class cyclist Lance Armstrong and NASCAR driver Tony Stewart are among the athletes who appear in the U.S. commercials, most of which were crafted by WPP Group’s Berlin Cameron/Red Cell rather than Coke’s lead ad agency, Interpublic Group of Cos.’ McCann-Erickson.
A BELCHING CRUZ
Industry insiders said the soft drink maker’s ads revealed a more playful and humorous side, as well as a desire to connect to everyday people by portraying celebrities and others in real life situations.
One of the celebrity spots shows the dazzling Cruz entering a diner and belching after chugging a bottle of Coke.
“These ads represent a quantum leap forward for Coke Classic advertising,” said John Sicher, editor of Beverage Digest, a leading industry newsletter. “They put as much or more emphasis on the consumer’s relationship to the brand as they do the brand itself.”
The campaign, which also includes a graphics and packaging make-over, will be the first comprehensive promotional push on behalf of Coke Classic since the poorly received “Life Tastes Good” campaign two years ago.
That advertising blitz was pulled in the United States after the Sept. 11, 2001 attacks on the World Trade Center in New York City and the Pentagon complex in Washington, D.C.
Chris Lowe, chief marketing officer for Coca-Cola North America, would not disclose how much Coca-Cola intended to spend on its new marketing campaign, although he did say it would be the company’s main advertising effort this year.
Purchase, New York-based PepsiCo. is expected to launch an ad campaign for its core Pepsi-Cola brand later this year.
Although Coke Classic remains the most popular soft drink in the United States, its volume in supermarkets and other retail stores dropped 0.8 percent in the first 11 months of 2002, according to Beverage Digest.
FOLLOWS SUCCESSFUL LAUNCH OF VANILLA COKE
Other leading soft drink brands experienced even sharper volume drops than the Classic brand. Pepsi’s namesake brand saw its volumes drop 1.5 percent and Coke’s Sprite brand fell 4 percent in the same period, according to Beverage Digest.
While retailers are not the only source of cola sales, analysts said it was important that Coca-Cola mount a solid marketing campaign for its best-selling and most profitable brand in order to keep the momentum generated by the successful launch last year of the Vanilla Coke brand.
“I think they have shown with Vanilla Coke that they can breathe life back into the Coca-Cola trademark,” J.P. Morgan analyst John Faucher said. “This is a key factor in terms of them maintaining the momentum in North America,” added Faucher, who has a neutral rating on Coca-Cola’s stock.
Coke shares, which have been mired in a prolonged slump, rose 46 cents to close at $44.53 on the New York Stock Exchange on Thursday. PepsiCo. was 44 cents higher at $43.14 on the NYSE.
Analysts said a successful Coke Classic campaign also would take some pressure off Coca-Cola Chairman and Chief Executive Douglas Daft, who pledged to improve the company’s performance after formally taking over in February 2000.
Daft and the rest of the Coca-Cola management team have grappled in the past year with the impact of an economic slowdown in key markets, most notably Latin America.
Here Is The World’s Funniest Joke
LONDON (Reuters) – After a year of painstaking scientific research, the world’s funniest joke was revealed on Thursday.
In a project described as the largest-ever scientific study into humor, the British Association for the Advancement of Science asked Internet users around the world to submit their favorite jokes and rate the funniness of other people’s offerings.
More than 40,000 jokes from 70 countries and two million critiques later, this is it:
“Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services.
He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: “Take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the hunter says, “Ok, now what?”
Researchers found significant differences between nations in the types of jokes they found funny.
People from the UK, the Republic of Ireland, Australia and New Zealand preferred gags involving word play, such as:
PATIENT: “Doctor, I’ve got a strawberry stuck up my bum.”
DOCTOR: “I’ve got some cream for that.”
Americans and Canadians favored jokes where people were made to look stupid.
TEXAN: “Where are you from?”
HARVARD GRAD: “I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions.”
TEXAN: “OK — where are you from, jackass?”
Meanwhile, many Europeans liked gags that were surreal or made light of serious subjects such as illness, death and marriage:
A patient says, “Doctor, last night I made a Freudian slip, I was having dinner with my mother-in-law and wanted to say: ‘Could you please pass the butter?’
“But instead I said: ‘You silly cow, you have completely ruined my life.”‘
Marriage-mocking also featured in the top American joke:
“A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.
“He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: ‘Wow that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man.’
“The man then replies: ‘Yeah, well, we were married 35 years.”‘
Death earned big laughs in Scotland:
“I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers.”
And animals figured prominently. Take the number one joke in England:
“Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, ‘I slept with your mother!’
“The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do.
“The first again yells, ‘I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!’
“The other says: ‘Go home dad, you’re drunk.”‘
The survey revealed other fun facts:
— Of the countries rating the highest number of jokes, Germans, perhaps surprisingly, laughed the most. Canadians laughed least.
— If you want to tell a funny animal joke, make it a duck.
— The most frequently submitted joke, at 300 times, was: “What’s brown and sticky? A stick.”
Researchers said no one ever found it funny.
ON THE LINE
‘N Sync popster Lance Bass signing a contract with the Russians to join them on an October Soyuz flight to the International Space Station. The move comes despite concerns raised by NASA over whether Bass has enough education and fluency in the Russian language.
Jokes For Today!
—————
After the 9th Circuit ruled that it was unconstitutional to have school
children recite the pledge of allegiance because it contains the phrase “one
nation under god” the New Yorker magazine called Robin Williams and asked
him if he could suggest any alternatives.
His response: “Why don’t they change it to ‘One nation under Canada?'”
————————
A tourist driving through Arkansas passes a young boy walking along wearing
only one shoe. The tourist stops his car and asks the boy, “Did you lose a
shoe?”
“Nope,” the boy replies. “Found one.”
————————
When my wife had to rush to the hospital unexpectedly, she asked me to bring
her a few items from home. One item on her list was “comfortable underwear.”
Worried I’d make the wrong choice, I asked, “How will I know which ones to
pick?” “Hold them up and imagine them on me,” she answered.
“If you smile, put them back.”
New M&M Color Chosen
The results are in: Purple reigns.
The maker of M&M’s said Wednesday that purple will be the latest color for the little chocolate candies. The decision came after more than 10 million people in 200 countries voted on the Internet and over the phone on whether to add purple, pink or aqua to the mix.
“Our consumers have spoken. Purple it is,” said Paul Michaels, president of Masterfoods USA in Hackettstown.
Purple received 41% of the vote. Aqua had 37% and pink had 19%. Purple will join the existing mix of red, blue, brown, green, orange and yellow in August.
They Were Made For Loving You
Now Available: Kiss Kondoms.
Now, you can “rock and roll” all night and “party” every day!