Moo!

Anna Nicole Smith Named Worst Dressed of 2002

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) – Now we know why she made her living as a stripper — her clothes are just too ugly to wear.
Hollywood’s fast-talking fashion designer Mr. Blackwell named former Playboy Playmate, and current cow, Anna Nicole Smith on Tuesday as the worst dressed woman of 2002. But she was not alone.
She was followed closely on the annual list that has become a Hollywood favorite by a bevy of pop singers including Christina Aguilera and Shakira, actresses Meg Ryan and Cameron Diaz, Britain’s Princess Anne and Kelly Osbourne, the daughter of British rocker Ozzy Osbourne.
Mr. Blackwell, a one-time designer for Jayne Mansfield, Jane Russell and Dorothy Lamour, said Smith topped his 43rd annual list because “Anna’s fashion follies are the worst of the year … don’t bother with a new designer Anna, just hire a structural engineer!”
Smith, a Texas native who worked as a stripper when she met her late millionaire octogenarian husband, has been starring in her own TV reality series that has been savaged by the critics for its inane content, poor fashion sense and embarrassing portrayal of its bumbling, overweight heroine.
Smith joins a select list of fashion failures that in past years has included Judy Garland, Cher and Barbra Streisand, whom Mr. Blackwell compared to Ringo Starr in drag.
SCARY BABY DOLL
In second place on the latest Blackwell list was another star of a reality series, Kelly Osbourne. Mr. Blackwell described her as “A fright-wigged Baby Doll, stuck in a goth prom gown. Now we know what happened to Ozzy’s hand-me-downs!”
Named third was pop singer Shakira, whom Mr. Blackwell described as “overwrought and underdressed.”
Film star Cameron Diaz nabbed fourth place with Mr. Blackwell opining that she “looks like she was dressed by a color-blind circus clown.” Britain’s Princess Anne wound up in fifth place because: “Her Royal Dowager Drag is dreary, drab and dour.” Her mother, Queen Elizabeth, and her aunt, PrincessMargaret, have previously appeared on the list — talk about “All in the Family.”
In sixth place was “Interview with A Vampire” author Anne Rice whom Mr. Blackwell said “looks like a cross between Queen Victoria and the Vampire Lestat.” He was not much nicer to designer Donatella Versace whom he said “resembles a flash-fried Venus, stuck in a Miami Strip Mall.”
Actress Meg Ryan was eighth because Mr. Blackwell deemed her “a total fashion wreck” who “looks like a Swap-Meet Fashion Queen in Beverly Hills.”
A pair of pop stars, Christina Aguilera and Pink, finished ninth and 10th respectively, Aguilera because “her barely-there bimbo bombs wouldn’t cover a gnat” and Pink because “out of the blue, pops Pink, and I’m seeing red.”
Summing it all up Mr. Blackwell said 2002 represented “not a pretty picture … fashion flip-flopped all over the place.”