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Hey Dan! What’s new at the movies this weekend?

Ah yes, once again it’s time for my ingratiated, often imitated- in the future it will be replicated- but never duplicated look at the new films that are being released this weekend.

This week there are 3 new films and let me begin by telling you about a movie that sucks. Boy does it suck! But then again, it is about vampires!

Blade II takes place two years after the original Blade, and features the half-vampire/half-human vampire killer Wesley Snipes title character being asked by his intended targets to help fight a new breed of rogue vampires, called the Reapers, who are terrorizing both the human and vampire communities.

Essentially Blade II is a series of stylish, violent battles between Blade and his various enemies. The flavor of the conflicts is heavily influenced by the in- your- face martial arts genre, and not the unique or skilled stuff we’ve been seeing lately.

Blade II may be seriously lacking in the substance arena, but it’s never boring. Those in search of a film that offers wall-to-wall samplings of gory, kick-ass action will find it here. Those looking for something creepy or frightening are encouraged to look elsewhere. And thinking is not welcome – you can check your brain at the theater door. In fact leave it at home altogether!

Come to think of it, it was 20 years ago this year that my family and I moved home to Canada from Germany. It was also 20 years ago that a movie about a alien became the highest grossing film of all time, until “Titanic” came along that is.

Yes, it’s been 20 years since E.T.- The Extra- Terrestrial debuted. And now, in order to “cash in” on, oops! Sorry! Now, in order to “commemorate” the anniversary director Steven Spielberg has cleaned up his movie, added a slew of computer graphics and even put in some never before seen footage.

Blah, blah, blah! E.T.- The Extra- Terrestrial was a great film 20 years ago, and it is a great film now, but during it’s original release, I spent my time watching Rocky III, A Fighter. A Lover. A Legend. The Greatest Challenge!

Now that was a great movie!

As so was Animal House, Porky’s and Revenge Of The Nerds. All three of those films were great! Crude, rude and obnoxious, but great movies in their own right.

The lineage of those frat boys films continues in this weekend’s final new film, Sorority Boys. I’d give you the movie’s synopsis, but it is irrelevant. All that matters here is whether the movie is funny or not.

And if you like raunchy toilet humour, then this movie is very, very funny! In fact, I haven’t laughed that hard in a while!

Sorority Boys is hilarious!

And you can quote me on that!

Plus, it features the incredible Melissa Sagemiller! She is hot, the movie is hilarious, and a good time will be had by all!

So enjoy the popcorn and I’ll see you at the movies!

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Would “Joey” be as successful as “Frasier”?

Next year will be it’s final season and plans are already in the works for a “Friends” spinoff.

As long as they don’t call it “After Friends!”

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It’s renewal time!

Will your favourite TV show be back next season? In some cases even “they” don’t know.

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Whoa!

KEANU IS AN AWARD

Look out Razzies. There’s a new “worst movie” awards in town — “The Keanus.”

Fans of bad movies have until today to vote online for The Keanus, the new alternative Oscars being inaugurated by the Independent Media Institute.

“The awards are named after Keanu Reeves, in honour of the next Actor Most Able to Make Bad Movie After Bad Movie, with Little Real Acting Skill in Evidence, and Yet Emerge Unscathed and Well-Loved,” the institute says on its Web site, AlterNet.org.

Other Keanus categories include Celebrity Most Likely to be Crushed by the Weight of Own Ego, Worst Marketing/Tie-In Consumer Rip-Off, Film that Should Have Skipped Theatres and Gone Straight To Video, and Film that Should have Skipped Video and Gone Straight to Inflight Movie.

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She’s this year’s Julia Roberts

When it comes to the Best Supporting Actress Oscar Jennifer Connelly is a lock to win.

Oh, and by the way, I’ll offer my predictions tomorrow!

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I found a bunch of stuff!

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?

If there is a piece of music that you are looking for use Gemm to search the world for your music.

I found Orion The Hunter! Whoo hoo!!

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D’oh!

STREET DATE CHANGE

Don’t have a cow, man, it’s only a month. Fox has just announced a postponement for The Simpsons: The Complete Second Season box set, which is now set for a July 9 release. Retail price of $59.95 and features all stay the same.

Also of note is the discontinuation of the awesome “X-Men” DVD, with a new special edition version due out to coincide with the theatrical/video release of X-Men 2. Stay tuned for more…

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I wish I had a computer!

New “Spider-Man” trailer to debut online

“Spider-Man” will be spinning a new movie trailer on the world wide web next week.

Columbia Tri-Star has announced a new trailer for director Sam Raimi’s adaptation of Marvel Comics’ web-slinging hero will debut on the Spider- Man website starting Wednesday, March 27 at 9 a.m. Pacific Time, Noon Eastern.

“By placing this trailer exclusively online, we are giving fans everywhere an opportunity to get caught in Spider-Man’s worldwide web,” Columbia Tri-Star exec Geoffrey Ammer said in a press release.

“This Internet exclusive is also our way of saying ‘thank you’ to the online community that has so enthusiastically followed and supported the development and production of ‘Spider-Man’ over the past several years.”

The teaser, which heralds the movie’s May 3 opening, shows the titular hero (played by Tobey Maguire) patrolling the city, using his web-shooters to swing from building-to-building.

“Spider-Man” isn’t the only big upcoming movie courting the online audience lately. George Lucas’s upcoming “Star Wars Episode II: Attack Of The Clones,” was recently screened for online movie-gossip goofball Harry Knowles, who raved about the results at his Ain’t It Cool News movie website.

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I’m not watching this anymore

THIS IS THE LAST UPDATE

Okay, so I am sick of this show and the people on it, so I can’t promise that I will cover it again after today. The people on the show are, plain and simple, weenies! THey are just big, idiotic weenies! And the hot, big busted chick is now gone! So that’s another reason!

If you care, here’s the results from Epiosde 4 of “Survivor: Marquesas.”

She’s gone! Oh, I! I’d pay the devil to replace her, she’s gone! What went wrong (As sung by Hall and Oates)

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I WOULD PAY BIG MONEY TO SEE THIS SHOW!!!

SANS HALEN?

Sammy Hagar’s official Website is saying that the former Van Halen singer is talking about touring this summer with original Van Halen frontman David Lee Roth.

Whoa!!