Short-lived celebrity marriages
Science tells us that the shortest-lived thing in the universe is a “top quark” — a subatomic particle that exists for only a septillionth of a second.
This beats by a nose the time it took for the love to leave Britney Spears’ marriage.
The singer’s quickie Vegas wedding to childhood friend Jason Alexander was annulled yesterday after 13 hours, putting her joke nuptials in the running for shortest Hollywood marriage — a category of wedded bliss that is best measured by an atomic clock.
Here with a rundown of some of the looser celebrity interpretations of the words ” ’til death do us part:”
ROBIN GIVENS & SVETOZAR MARINKOVIC: One day. He was the actress’ tennis instructor.
ZSA ZSA GABOR & FELIPE DE ALBA: One day. Husband No. 8 did not last long.
MICHELLE PHILLIPS & DENNIS HOPPER: Eight days. About as long as it took for the ‘buzz’ to wear off.
CARMEN ELECTRA & DENNIS RODMAN: Nine days before Rodman filed to annul this drunken misadventure. He’s since a dad of two with wife Michelle Moyer, which suggests he may indeed be among the great rebounders in NBA history.
CATHERINE OXENBERG & ROBERT EVANS: 10 days. The legendary producer Evans blamed his then-recent stroke for the bad judgment.
ERNEST BORGNINE & ETHEL MERMAN: One month. Chalk this one up to “irreconcilable similarities.”
DREW BARRYMORE and JEREMY THOMAS: 39 days. She says she married the Welsh bar owner to get him his green card.
RICK ROCKWELL & DARVA CONGER: 49 days. The Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire couple’s marriage was essentially over before the first commercial break (and by accounts, it was never consummated). But it took 49 days to squeeze every last ounce of publicity out of this freak show.
NICOLAS CAGE & LISA MARIE PRESLEY: Three months. Aliens kidnapped Cage and forced Lisa Marie to hand over the crystal of Okmar, thus rendering their marriage invalid under Tau Ceti law. OK, not, but it makes as much sense as any other theory about them.
ASHLEY HAMILTON & ANGIE EVERHART: Three months. Biggest fight came after ex-boyfriend, Sylvester Stallone, gave the married Angie a Porsche.
COLIN FARRELL & AMELIA WARNER: Four months. In a fit of passion, Colin described his then-wife to the Sun thus: “She’s a great girl. She’s like one of my mates. She doesn’t just go to the pubs with me. She gets there before me and leaves after I do.” They reportedly split over the bar bill.
CHARLIE SHEEN & DONNA PEELE: Six months. Bad boy Charlie said he “found religion” and called it off. He would later be seen praying with porn stars.
DREW BARRYMORE & TOM GREEN: Six months. Grounds for divorce: Freddy Got Fingered.
ASHLEY HAMILTON & SHANNEN DOHERTY: Six months. They’d met two weeks earlier. “One day in his car he turned to me and said, ‘Let’s get married.’ I thought he was joking and went, ‘Yeah!’ But he called later and said, ‘I’m really into this marriage thing.’ And that was that. It was six months of hell. I didn’t know Ashley at all. I didn’t know he was a drug addict.”
COURTNEY THORNE-SMITH & ANDREW CONRAD: Eight months. Oops. She was the featured blushing bride on the cover of InStyle Weddings — just after she filed for divorce from the biotech mogul.
CHRISTIE BRINKLEY & RICHARD TAUBMAN: Eight months. The supermodel and real estate magnate hooked up after surviving a deadly helicopter crash together, but strangely found it hard to recapture the excitement in their relationship afterwards.
J.LO & CRIS JUDD: Nine months. Ms. Lopez’s former dancer got custody of their chocolate Labrador Buster and went on to win the reality series I’m A Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here!
JIM CARREY & LAUREN HOLLY: 10 months. In a press release announcing their marriage, Carrey quipped: “I am striving to live a loving and honorable life. Lauren is my proof and my reward; not to mention a fantastic beard to conceal my raging homosexual lifestyle.”
ANNA NICOLE SMITH & J. HOWARD MARSHALL: 14 months. But the oil mogul died with a smile on his face — just from knowing how much he’d pissed off his kin.
BELIEVE IT OR NOT, THEY’RE STILL MARRIED: Sylvester Stallone and Jennifer Flavin (six years). Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown (11 years).
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