So far, the show isn’t bad. So far!

Skinny Ryan Doesn’t Have Enough Heft for ‘Survivor: Pearl Islands’
LOS ANGELES ( – It’s a dark and stormy night when “Survivor: Pearl Islands” open on Episode Two. It’s also eerily quiet in that way that seems so menacing when you move from the city to the suburbs and wake up positive that the sound of the cat playing with a paper bag in found under the sink is really a masked man trying to break in and steal your Franklin Mint collector plates.
Over among the Morgans, Tijuana is freezing and Osten is worried about his shirtless state, but when Day Four dawns it is all one big lovefest over at the Drake tribe as seen through the rose-colored glasses of Rupert. See, Rupert is just thrilled to be living off the fat of the land and finding himself surrounded by “beautiful souls.” He has also become particularly attached to the tribe’s fishing apparatus that he keeps referring to as “my spear.”
The burly counselor to troubled teens (you just know he’s said, “Let’s rap about this” more than once) says he loves living in a giant fish tank and seeing him swim around among the schools of fish and eels it does look like a lot of “Finding Nemo” fun. Well, actually, more like “Killing Nemo” and then “Eating Nemo” fun.
In short order the two tribes (minus last week’s evictee Nicole) are brought together for their first reward challenge. Jeff explains that the prize is “part” of a treasure map with a clue to the booty’s location on the back, plus the privilege of plundering one item from the losing tribe’s camp (a bonus that will be part of all of the reward challenges this time around).
It suffices to say that the Morgans’ miserable performance is largely due to the poor start made by Ryan S., dubbed by his tribe as Skinny Ryan (although he refers to himself as “the goober of the Morgan tribe”). They never quite recover from his floundering and we’ll never quite be the same after witnessing Lillian’s large white Grandma panties.
The Drakes win handily. They speculate that the piece of map they are given appears to be “a third” of the complete one, but are bummed that they can’t start their search due to high tide. Luckily, they have looting to occupy their time with instead. Jon wants to hurt the Morgans by taking the tarp they’re using for the roof of their shelter, but Rupert firmly says that they don’t need to “hurt” anyone.
Sandra is sent to collect the tribe’s bounty — we’re guessing because her Spanish-speaking skills really came in handy when bartering in the fishing village — and intially intends to take their water jug. However, when she can’t locate such an animal she decides to go for the tarp instead.
Furious, the Morgans refuse to help her take it down. Sandra happily goes about ripping down the palm fronds covering the tarp and basically tears apart the only structure they have, cheerily wishing them goodbye with the heartfelt hope that the bedbugs don’t bite.
Whipped and broken, the Morgans try to tack together some sort of shelter against the punishing nights ahead, with Osten hinting to Andrew that he wants to quit the game which causes Tijuana to beg him to tough it out.
Back on the Drake island, Rupert is very, very, very upset because Shawn lost the tip of the fishing spear. A lot of ranting and raving is endured before Rupert dives into the ocean and — we’ll be damned — finds it. He celebrates this Iron Man moment by throwing back his head and letting loose with an animalistic roar.
All the testosterone that is pumping through the Drakes by this point serves them well in the immunity challenge which they add to their previous two wins, forcing the Morgans to further cull the herd and causing Osten to approach Ryan and ask that he vote to send Osten home.
At what feels like the longest Tribal Council ever, Jeff shows that he’s been doing his homework and watching the dailies with his very pointed questions that no one ever seems to clue into might give them some hints as to what their tribemates are thinking, plotting or saying.
Despite Osten’s plea to Ryan S., and in part due to Osten’s vote for him rather than himself, Skinny Ryan’s lack of physical prowess is enough to make him another expendable part of the Morgans’ waning fortunes.