All-Time Best of the….WORST COUNTRY SONG TITLES!
Naturally, you’ll be wondering what an erudite gentleman such as I would be doing with such a list on his site. A few summers ago, I had the pleasure of shooting a documentary on rodeos. It was a wonderful experience, with one exception. PA announcers at rodeos have this terrible predisposition towards playing country music at high decibel levels, virtually non-stop.
In addition to driving my sound guys crazy, this led to the discovery that our entire crew had pretty much reached our maximum saturation point for country music…. after the first rodeo. By the end of the summer, I found myself actually singing along with a song about how “I’m married to a waitress and I don’t even know her name.”
With this in mind, I proudly present my list of country song titles. Now in new, improved, alphabetical order!
If you have any to add, please e-mail the guy who created this list at email@example.com.
1. All I Want From You (Is Away)
Written by Bobby Harden (ASCAP)
2. All My Exes Live In Texas
3. All the Guys that Turn Me On Turn Me Down
Written by Gene Plott, Harold Powell & Roni Stoneman (BMI) (courtesy of “Narkspud”)
4. Am I Double Parked by the Curbstone of Your Heart?‚Ä† (courtesy of Michael)
Double Parked Heart by Jim Pollock (BMI) (Could this be the same song?)
5. Are You Drinkin With Me Jesus? (courtesy of Sylvester)
by Mojo Nixon, Country Dick Montana, Peter & Louise Berryman (BMI)
According to Sylvester, the song contains the truly touching lyrics:
“Does your head pound Jesus as hung over you do rise….how does paradise look Jesus, through holy bloodshot eyes…
Should we take a cab home Jesus…aw man we can hoof it from here…
I know you can walk on the water but can you walk on this much beer?”
6. Are You on the Top 40 of the Lord? (courtesy of Joel)
7. At the Gas Station of Love, I Got the Self Service Pump (courtesy of Barry)
Apparently this is from a Weird Al Yankovic song, “One More Minute.” But it sounds like a country title, so I’ll keep it!
8. Billy Broke My Heart at Walgreens and I Cried All the Way to Sears (courtesy of Jim)
9. Bubba Shot The Jukebox
10. Bubba’s Inconvenience Store
by Bett Butler (BMI)
11. Come out of the Wheatfield Nellie, You’re Going Against the Grain (courtesy of Louis)
Apparently heard in Liverpool, 30 years ago. Wasn’t there anything better to listen to in Liverpool 30 years ago???
12. Cow Cow Blues ‚Ä†‚Ä†‚Ä†‚Ä†‚Ä†‚Ä†Written by Charles “Cow Cow” Davenport (ACAP), and recorded by Bing Crosby, among others.
Not a country song at all, as it turns out, but I’ve left it on the list because of the title’s similarity to…
13. Cow Cow Boogie (Moo Moo My Love)
This one’s been performed by everyone from The Judds to Mel Torme, according to ASCAP. Also not to be confused with…
14. Cow Cow Strut
by Barbara Chamberlin (SOCAN)
15. Did I Shave my Legs for This? by Deana Carter (courtesy of Scott)
16. Don’t Believe My Heart Can Stand Another You.
by Tanya Tucker (BMI)
17. Don’t Chop Any Wood Mother, I’m Comin’ in With a Load! (courtesy of Garnet)
18. Don’t Come Home a-Drinkin’ With Lovin’ on Yo-mind
by Loretta Lynn (BMI) (courtesy of Hamp)
19. Don’t Give Me A Plastic Saddle ‘Cuz I Want To Feel That Leather When I Ride (courtesy of Diane)
20. Don’t Squeeze My Sharmon. (Yes, that IS the correct spelling)
Written by Carl Belew & Van Givens (BMI)
21. Don’t Strike A Match (To The Book Of Love)
Written by Pat Alger & Hal Ketchum (BMI)
22. Drop Kick Me Jesus (Through The Goal Posts Of Life.)
Written by Paul Charles Craft
23. Four on the Floor and a Fifth Under the Seat
Written by Rex Pearce (BMI) (courtesy of Rick)
24. Get Off the Table, Mabel (The Two Dollars is for the Beer)
by Bull Moose Jackson
25. Get Your Biscuits In The Oven, And Your Buns In The Bed.
Written by Richard Friedman (BMI)
26. Git Up Off’n the Floor Hannah (a Bitter New Year’s Eve)
by Red Ingle and the Natural Seven, Written by Foster Carling & Joe Washburne (ASCAP) (courtesy of “Narkspud”)
27. Going to Hell in Your Heavenly Arms
by the Austin Lounge Lizards (ASCAP)
28. Guess My Eyes Were Bigger Than My Heart.
Written by Liz Anderson (BMI)
29. Hand me the Pool Cue and Call Yourself an Ambulance (courtesy of Tom, who isn’t sure it’s a real song)
30. Her Only Bad Habit Is Me
Believe it or not, three songs with this title in the BMI database.
31. Here’s A Quarter (Call Someone Who Cares)
by Travis Tritt – “It’s All About to Change” (several folks submitted this one)
32. High Cost of Low Living
by John Steele & James Sloane (ASCAP)
33. Hold On To Your Men..Cause she’s Single Again (courtesy of Susan)
34. How Can I Get Over You if You Won’t Get Out from Under Me? (courtesy of Dan)
How Can I Get Over You Till You Get Out from Under Him? (alternate title courtesy of Mike)
35. How Can I Miss You if You Won’t Go Away?
Written by Leonard Linnehan & Louis Philip Perry (ASCAP) (courtesy of Charles)
But there are a half-dozen songs with this title in the BMI database!
36. How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You, When You Know I’ve Been A Liar All My Life?
According to Murphy, this song was written for the film Royal Wedding starring Fred Astaire, and was a novelty dance number.
This is confirmed by Esther, who remembers hearing the song as a little girl in the 1930s and 40s. She thinks it may have originated in Vaudeville.
37. How Come Your Dog Don’t Bite Nobody But Me?
by Mel Tillis (BMI)
38. How Did You Get so Ugly Overnight? (courtesy of Mark, who’s not sure it’s a real song either)
39. I Bought the Shoes that Just Walked Out on Me
2 songs with this title in the BMI database (courtesy of Rick)
40. I Can’t Pass the Bar, and There’s One on my Way Home (courtesy of Rick)
41. I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life (courtesy of Charles)
42. I Don’t Care if it Rains or Freezes ‘Long as I Have My Plastic Jesus Sittin’ on the Dashboard of my Car
a.k.a. “Plastic Jesus” by Ernie Marrs (courtesy of Bill)
43. I Don’t Do Floors
by Don Cook & Charles Victor Rains (ASCAP)
44. I Don’t Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
by Thom Sharpe (courtesy of Gail, who tells me he wrote a number of comedy songs)
45. I Fell for Her, She Fell for Him, and He Fell for Me (courtesy of “Narkspud”)
46. I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me (courtesy of Charles)
47. I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart‚Ä†
Written by Jack Clement (BMI) (courtesy of Charles)
48. I Gave Her My Heart And A Diamond And She Clubbed Me With A Spade (courtesy of Bruce)
49. I Gave Her the Ring, and She Gave Me the Finger (courtesy of Maureen)
50. I Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Bed Crying On My Pillow Over You.
According to ASCAP, the acutal title is simply, “Tears In My Ears”
51. I Got the Hungries for Your Love, and I’m Waitin In Your Welfare Line (courtesy of John)
52. I Got Through Everything But The Door
53. I Guess I Had Your Leavin’ Coming
by Vern Gosdin (ASCAP)
54. I Keep Forgettin’ I Forgot About You‚Ä†
Written by Byron Gallimore, Don Pfrimmer & William Shore (BMI) (courtesy of Charles)
55. I May Be Used, But Baby I Ain’t Used Up
56. I Only Miss You On The Days That End In ” Y ” (courtesy of Frank)
57. I Sat Down On A Beartrap (Just This Morning)
58. I Sent Her Artifical Flowers For Her Artificial Love
There are 4 songs called “Artificial Flowers” in the BMI database (courtesy of Jerry)
59. I Still Miss You Baby…‚Ä† But My Aim is Getting Better (courtesy of Eric)
60. I Want a Beer as Cold as My Ex-Wife’s Heart (courtesy of Dan)
61. I Wanted You To Leave Until You Left Me.
62. I Wanna Whip Your Cow‚Ä† (courtesy of Charles)
63. I Was Looking Back to See If You Were Looking Back to See If I Was Looking Back to See if You Were Looking Back at Me
According to Sean, this may be “I Looked Back” by Jimmy Eaton & Larry Wagner, recorded by Perry Como.
If that’s the case, I think we can safely move it out of the “country” category!
On the other hand, according to Steve, it was a duet performed by Buck Owens and Susan Raye in the 1960s, called “Looking Back to See,”
which would move it right back into the “country” category.
64. I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me
by Rev.Billy C. Wirtz (courtesy of Zev)
65. I Wish I Were A Lesbian
by Loudon Wainwright III (ASCAP)
66. I Wish I Were A Woman (So I Could Go Out With A Guy Like Me)‚Ä† (courtesy of Mick)
67. I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn’t Spell Yuck! (courtesy of Charles)
68. I Wouldn’t Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I’m Afraid She’d Win‚Ä† (courtesy of Charles)
69. I’d Rather Hear A Fat Girl Fart Than A Pretty Boy Sing (courtesy of Mike)
70. I’d Rather Pass a Kidney Stone than Another Night With You
71. If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I’d Find On You.
by Freddie Hart (BMI)
72. If I Ain’t Got It, You Don’t Need It.
Two songs with this title in the BMI database
73. If I Can’t Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You‚Ä† (courtesy of Charles)
74. If I’d Killed You When I Wanted To, I’d be Out of Jail By Now (courtesy of Tom)
by Reuben Darnell
75. If I Had It To Do All Over Again, I’d Do It All Over You
by Dan Hicks and his Hot Licks (courtesy of Peter)
76. If I Had My Life to Live Over, I’d Live Over a Delicatessen (courtesy of Mike)
77. If I Were In Your Shoes, I’d Walk Right Back To Me
Five songs in the BMI database caleed “If I Were In Your Shoes” (courtesy of Mick)
78. If Love Were Oil, I’d Be A Quart Low (courtesy of Charles)
79. If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I’d Blow It All On You‚Ä† (courtesy of Charles and Ray)
80. If My Nose Was Running Money, Honey, I’d Blow It Al On You (Title from BMI database)
81. If I Had a Nose Full of Nickels, I’d Sneeze Them All Atchoo! (Another version of the title)
82. If She Hadn’t Been So Good Lookin’ I Might Have Seen the Train‚Ä† (courtesy of Phil)
83. If the Devil Danced in Empty Pockets, He’d Have a Ball in Mine
by Joe Diffie (ASCAP) (courtesy of Jennifer)
84. If The Jukebox Took Teardrops
2 songs with this title listed in the ASCAP database.
85. If The Phone Doesn’t Ring, It’s Me
by Jimmy Buffett, also recorded by Crystal Gayle (ASCAP) (courtesy of Carol)
86. If Today Was a Fish, I’d Throw It Back In
3 songs titled “If Today Was a Fish” in the BMI database. (courtesy of Rick & Frank)
87. If You Can’t Be Good, Be Bad With Me
Written by Tim Bussey & Mark Maxwell (BMI)
88. If You Can’t Be Good, Son, Be Good At It
by Neal McCoy (BMI) (courtesy of Betsy)
89. If You Can’t Bite, Don’t Growl.
by Tommy Collins (BMI)
90. If You Can’t Live Without Me, Why Aren’t You Dead?
Written by Benjamin Costello, Alexis Feltham & Jason Whalley (BMI) (courtesy of Simon)
91. If You Don’t Leave Me, I’ll Find Someone Who Will (courtesy of Barry)
92. If You Ever Get the Feelin’ I Don’t Love You, Feel Again.
93. If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?
Three songs in the BMI database with this title. (courtesy of Charles)
94. If You Leave Me I’m Gone
by Hunter Davis (ASCAP)
95. If You Really Loved Me, You’d Leave (courtesy of Phil)
96. If You Got the Money, Honey, I Got the Time
by Hank Williams (courtesy of Bill)
97. If You√≠re Gonna Do Him Wrong Again, You Might As Well Do Him Wrong Again With Me! (courtesy of Peter)
98. If You’re Gonna Do Me Wrong, Do It Right (courtesy of Kathy)
by Vern Gosdin & Max Barnes (BMI)
99. If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put it Next to My Ex-Wife’s Heart (courtesy of Blair)
100. If You Want Your Freedom PDQ, Divorce Me COD
Written by Cliffie Stone & Merle Travis. Also recorded by Boxcar Willie and Glen Campbell.
101. If Whiskey Were A Woman, I’d Be Married For Sure.
Written by Stuart Holdsworth, Jack Routh & Randy Sharp (BMI)
102. I Like Bananas Because They Have No Bones
by Hoosier Hot Shots, Written by Chris Yacich (ASCAP) (courtesy of “Narkspud”)
103. I’ll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let’s Honeymoon Tonight.
104. I’ll Tennessee You In My Dreams
105. I’m Drinkin Christmas Dinner (All Alone This Year) (courtesy of Stephen)
by Mac Davis & Freddy Weller (BMI)
106. I’m Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home.
107. I’m Gonna Put a Bar in the Back of my Car and Drive Myself to Drink
From the album “Fear of Frying” by a Marin County (California) band called”Eggs Over Easy”, around 1968 (courtesy of Mark)
108. I’m Here To Get My Baby Out Of Jail
Two songs with this title in the BMI database.
109. I’m In Love With A Capital U (courtesy of Sara Kate)
by Country Joe Diffie. Written by Nelson & Wiseman (BMI)
110. I’m Just an Old Chunk of Coal (But I’m Gonna be a Diamond Someday) (courtesy of Neo)
written by Billy Joe Shaver (BMI) Recorded by Johnny Cash and John Anderson, among others.
111. I’m Quittin’ Wild Turkey Cold Turkey
Believe it or not, 24 songs called “Cold Turkey” in the BMI database. Only 13 called “Wild Turkey” (courtesy of Mandy)
112. I’m So Miserable Without You, it’s Almost like Having you Here (courtesy of Mike, who isn’t sure it’s a real song)
There are several songs called “I’m So Miserable Without You” in the BMI database.
113. I’m The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised
by Johnny Paycheck (BMI)
114. I’m Under The Table Over You (courtesy of Buddy)
115. Is It Cold in Here, or Is it Just You? (courtesy of Mark)
The BMI database lists a song called “Is It Cold In Here” by Joe Diffie.
116. It Only Takes One Bar (To Make A Prison)
by Tracy Lawrence (ASCAP)
117. I’ve Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart.
Written by Jack Clement (BMI)
118. I’ve Been Roped And Throwed By Jesus In The Holy Ghost Corral.
119. I’ve Got a Cowboy In The Saddle, and Another One’s Holding My Horse (courtesy of Laurena)
Apparently by a female singer… haven’t been able to confirm this one anywhere, though.
120. I’ve Got the Cob, If You’ve Got the Corn (courtesy of Marvin)
121. I’ve Got $5 And It’s Saturday Night
122. I’ve Heard that Tear Stained Monologue You do There by the Door Before You Go
by John Hartford (courtesy of Joel)
123. It Ain’t Easy Being Easy
by Roseanne Cash (courtesy of Pamela)
124. It Took a Helluva Man to Take my Anne, but it Sure Didn’t Take Him Long (courtesy of Rick)
125. It’s Not the High Cost of Living, It’s the Cost of Living High (courtesy of Buddy)
126. I Would Kiss You Through the Screendoor but It’d Strain Our Love (courtesy of David)
127. Jeremiah Peabody’s Polyunsaturated Quick Dissolving Fast Acting Pleasant Tasting Green and Purple Pills
by Ray Stevens (BMI) (courtesy of “Narkspud”)
128. Jesus Loves Me But He Can’t Stand You (courtesy of Michael)
by the Austin Lounge Lizards
129. Jim, I Wore A Tie Today
130. Last Night I Went to Bed with a “10” and Woke this Morning with a “2”
by Willie Nelson (courtesy of Janet)
131. Lay Something On My Bed Besides A Blanket
Written by Daniel Hogan, Gladys & Ronny Scaife (BMI)
132. Legendary Chicken Fairy
by Jack Blanchard & Misty Morgan (BMI) (courtesy of “Narkspud”)
133. Make Me Late For Work Today.
Five songs with this title in the BMI database, including one by Paul Brandt.
134. Mama Get The Hammer (There’s A Fly On Papa’s Head)
Mama Get The Hammer (There’s A Fly On Baby’s Head) (Conflicting submissions on this blues tune – anyone??)
Get the Hammer Mama, There’s a Head on Papa’s Fly (Now that’s the best one yet)
135. Meet Me In the Gravel Pit, Honey, cuz I’m a Little Boulder There (courtesy of Maggie)
136. Mommy, Can I Still Call Him Daddy?
137. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don’t Love Jesus. (courtesy of Paul)
by Jimmy Buffett
138. My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart‚Ä† (courtesy of Charles)
139. My Lips Want to Stay (But My Heart Wants to Go)
by Hank Wangford
140. My Phone Ain’t been Ringing, so I Guess it Wasn’t You
141. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him
Written by Phil Earhart (BMI) (courtesy of Charles)
142. Nashville Rash
Written by Kenneth Dale Watson (BMI)
143. Ned Nostril (and his South Seas Paradise, Put Your Blues on Ice, Cheap at Twice the Price Band, Icky Icky Ucky Ucky)
by Ray Stevens (BMI) (courtesy of Narkspud, who actually owns the album and confirms that it’s even printed this way on the label)
144. No Way, Conway (I Ain’t Gonna Twitty Tonight) (courtesy of Narkspud)
Supposedly recorded by Teresa Brewer.
145. Occasional Wife
Written by Robert William Scott (ASCAP)
146. Oh, I’ve Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Through You (courtesy of Charles)
According to Jeff, this is by Rolf Harris. Haven’t been able to confirm it.
147. Our Love is Illegal, Cause Our Names Ain’t the Same (courtesy of Ned)
148. Overlonely and Underkissed
149. Pardon Me, I’ve Been Pardoned
Written by Michael Manuel (BMI)
150. Pardon Me, I’ve Got Someone To Kill
by Johnny Paycheck (BMI) (courtesy of Charles)
151. Phantom Of The Opry
A whopping 7 entries in the BMI database for this one.
152. Pick Me Up On Your Way Down
by Patsy Cline (BMI)
153. Pick Me Up Or Let Me Down
by Hank Smith (SOCAN)
154. Poultry Promenade
by Diamond Rio (BMI)
155. Queen Of My Double-Wide Trailer Written by Dennis Linde
Recorded by Sammy Kershaw, and Country Dance Kings
156. Redneck Martians Stole My Baby
by Hank Flamingo (BMI)
157. Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer
by Johnny Russell (ASCAP)
158. Refried Dreams
by Tim McGraw (BMI)
159. Run for the Roundhouse Nellie (He Can’t Corner You There)
by Zeke Masters and his Band, Written by Julian Kay & Zeke Manners (ASCAP) (courtesy of “Narkspud”)
160. Saddle Up the Stove Ma, I’m Riding the Range Tonight (courtesy of Garnet)
161. She Broke My Heart, I Broke Her Jaw (courtesy of Katrina)
by Rick Stanley.
162. She Can Put Her Shoes Under My Bed Anytime
by Johnny Duncan (courtesy of Bill)
163. She Feels Like A New Man Tonight.
Five songs with this title in the BMI database.
164. She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft
by Jerry Reed (courtesy of Charles)
165. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger (courtesy of Charles)
166. She Looks Good Through the Bottom of My Shot Glass (courtesy of Marc)
167. She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart (courtesy of Charles)
168. She Offered Her Honor, He Honored Her Offer, and All Through the Night It Was Honor and Offer
by Sligo Studio Band, written by Robert Bivens (BMI) (courtesy of “Narkspud”)
169. She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy
Written by Jim Collins & Paul Overstreet (BMI)
170. She Walked Across My Heart Like It Was Texas (courtesy of James)
171. She’s Actin’ Single….. I’m Drinkin’ Doubles
by Gary Stewart (BMI).
172. She’s Got the Rhythm (And I Got the Blues)
173. Slap ‘Er Down Again Paw
by Arthur Godfrey (courtesy of “Narkspud”)
174. Thank God And Greyhound She’s Gone
by Roy Clark (BMI)
175. Thanks To The Cathouse, I’m In The Doghouse With You
Written by Max Barnes, Frank Saulino & James Valentini (BMI)
176. The Alcohall of Fame
by Wayne Kemp – from the album of the same name.
177. The Bridge Washed Out and I Can’t Swim and My Baby’s On the Other Side
178. The Last Word in Lonesome is Me
179. The Man That Came Between Us (Was Me)
180. The Old Home Fill ‘er Up and Keep On Truckin’ Cafe”
by C. W. McCall (courtesy of “Narkspud”)
181. The Pint Of No Return.
182. There Ain’t Enough Room in my Fruit Of The Looms to Hold All My Lovin’ For You (courtesy of Atley)
183. There’s A Tear In My Beer
by Hank Williams
184. They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can’t Stop My Face From Breakin’ Out (courtesy of Charles)
185. This Good Girl’s Gonna Go Bad
by Tammy Wynette(courtesy of Bill)
186. This White Circle on My Finger Means We’re Through
by Kitty Wells (courtesy of Bill)
187. Tight Fittin’ Jeans
Two songs in the BMI database with this title.
188. Timber… I’m Fallin In Love (courtesy of Kathy)
by Patty Loveless. Written by “Kostas” (BMI)
189. Trainwreck Of Emotion
Written by Allen Kohnhurst & Jonathan Vezner (ASCAP)
190. Up Against the Wall, Redneck Mother
by Jerry Jeff Walker “Great Gonzos” (courtesy of Ed) Also recorded by Willie Nelson, written by Ray Hubbard (ASCAP)
191. Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart (courtesy of Charles)
Did find a song in the BMI database called “Velcro Heart”
192. Waitin’ In Your Welfare Line
by Buck Owens (BMI)
193. Walk Out Backwards Slowly So I’ll Think You’re Walking In
Four songs in the BMI database called “Walk Out Backwards”
194. Warm Beer and Cold Kisses
by Stallins & Crowe (BMI)
195. Warm Beer Cold Women
by Tom Waits (ASCAP) Wouldn’t call Tom Waits country, though….
196. We Used To Kiss On The Lips, But It’s All Over Now (courtesy of Cheryl)
197. Welcome to Dumpsville, Population Me
Two songs in the BMI database called “Welcome to Dumpsville” (courtesy of Jim)
198. What Made Milwaukee Famous Has Made a Loser Out of Me
199. When the Lightning Struck the Coon Creek Party Line
by Hoosier Hot Shots (courtesy of “Narkspud”)
200. When You Wrapped My Lunch in a Road Map, I Knew You Meant Good-Bye (from Sally in Sacramento)
201. Who’s Gonna Mow Your Grass?
by Buck Owens (BMI)
202. Who’s Gonna Take The Garbage Out When I’m Dead And Gone?
203. Who’s Makin’ Time with the Time Keeper’s Daughter, when the Time Keeper’s Keepin’ Time? (courtesy of Steve)
204. Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under?
by Shania Twain & Mutt Lange (ASCAP)
205. Why Have You Left the One You Left Me For?‚Ä†
by Crystal Gayle, also recorded by Ronnie Milsap (courtesy of the Johnson family)
206. Why Don’t We Get Drunk and Screw
by Jimmy Buffett “All the Great Hits” (courtesy of Karen, James & Ed)
207. Would Jesus Wear A Rolex On His Television Show?
by Ray Stevens, Written by Chet Atkins & Margaret Archer (BMI)
208. Yard Sale (12 exciting songs share this title in the BMI database)
209. You Ain’t Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin’
by Toby Keith (BMI) (courtesy of Chili)
210. You Ain’t Woman Enough To Take My Man
by Loretta Lynn (courtesy of Bill)
211. You Ain’t Nothin’ But a Hound Dog (‘s Leavins’) (courtesy of Jim)
212. You can Lock Me Up in Jail & Throw Away the Key, But You Can’t Keep My Face from Breaking Out
by Randy Scruggs (courtesy of Dave )
213. You Can’t Have Your Kate And Edith Too.
214. You Can’t Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd
by Roger Miller (BMI)
215. You Changed Your Name From Brown to Jones, and Mine From Brown to Blue
Apparently by a British spoof country singer, “Hank Wangford.” Courtesy of Jan from Essex.
216. You Done Stomped On my Heart (and You Mashed That Sucker Flat)
According to multiple emails, this was written by Mason Williams (yes, the “Classical Gas” guy) and recorded by various artists including John Denver.
“You done stomped on my heart and mashed that sucker flat, you just sorta, stomped on my aorta.
You started going out with guys, I felt us drift apart, and every step you took, was a stomp right on my heart.”
217. You Were Only A Splinter As I Slid Down The Banister Of Life (courtesy of Charles)
218. You’d think my Bed was a Bus Stop, the Way You Come and Go (several submissions)
219. Your Negligee Has Turned To Flannel Nightgowns.
220. You’re The Hangnail In My Life, And I Can’t Bite You Off
by Hoyt Axton, Written by Woody Bowles (BMI)(courtesy of Eli)
221. You’re a Hard Dog To Keep Under The Porch
by Gail Davies (BMI) (courtesy of Susan)
222. You’re Going To Ruin My Bad Reputation
Could this be “My Bad Reputation” by Woody Guthrie?
223. You’re Out Of Step (With The Beat Of My Heart)
224. You’re The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly (courtesy of Charles, with more info from Ray))
By Lola Jean Dillon & L.E. White (BMI) Apparently also recorded by Loretta Lynn & Conway Twitty
225. You’re The Ring Around My Bathtub, You’re The Hangnail Of My Life
226. You’ve Already Put Big Old Tears In My Eyes, Must You Throw Dirt In My Face?
by The Louvin Brothers (courtesy of Art)
227. You’ve Got Sawdust On The Floor Of Your Heart
by Sneezy Waters (courtesy of Paul)
228. 80 Proof Bottle of Tear Stopper
229. 800 Pound Jesus
by Sawyer Brown. Written by Billy Maddox & Paul Thorn (BMI)
And my personal, all-time fave:
* Get Your Tongue Out Of My Mouth, Because I’m Kissing You Goodbye.
Coincidentally, also the title of a 1993 book by Playboy magazine columnist Cynthia Heimel.
I can’t take credit for the complete list….. parts were scavenged from an old, frequently-photocopied piece of wire copy that’s been floating around newsrooms for years. Whoever started the list, I salute you!
No, I don’t know who recorded all of them or where you can find the records. (If it’s not in the list, I don’t know!) I also make no claims about the accuracy of these titles – many have been emailed to me by folks who have run across this page and enjoyed it. (Thus, variations on the titles of individual song.)
Yes, I realize that not all of them are strictly “country.”
Yes, some of them are probably novelty songs so they might not really belong on this list – which, by the way, is why “Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavor on the Bedpost Overnight?” doesn’t appear here. Similarly, I’ve chosen to exclude “I’d Rather Have a Bottle In Front of Me Than a Frontal Lobotomy” because – well, because it’s so true! But if I haven’t heard it, I’ll give it the benefit of the doubt.
There are some novelty songs that deserve to be listed just because their titles sound so authentic:
If I’d a Knowed that You’d a Wanted to of Went with Me, I’d a Seed that You’d a Got to Get to Go
From Martin Mull’s “Fernwood 2Night” TV show, sung by “Elwood P. Suggins” (courtesy of James)
She’s Got Freckles On Her, But She’s Pretty (courtesy of Charles)
A novelty song from the 1940s by Larry Vincent (ASCAP)
I’d Like You a Whole Lot Better if We Slept Together (courtesy of Dan)
We’re pretty sure this is actually “I might like you better if we slept together,” which is a line from the 1981 song “Never Say Never” by Romeo Void, a New Wave band – pretty much the least country-like song on the list! (You can listen to a RealAudio file on their website and hear for yourself.)
Then there’s Tom Scott, who came up with an appropriate original title for me:
“I Made Up The Title, You Make Up The Song”
And my next favourite original title, from Laura:
“Go Back To Texas and Cheesey French Fry Lake”
All-Time Best of the….WORST COUNTRY SONG TITLES!