Hey Dan, I know I’m going to be watching the start of the Olympic Men’s ice hockey tournament all weekend, but in case I need to get out of the house, what’s new in theatres this weekend?

Well first off, GO CANADA, GO!

Secondly, you are in luck! There are 5 new films opening this weekend. Unfortunately your luck is not very good as neither are these new films.

But let me start out on a positive note. Last week I was whining that the Oscar bait films Monster’s Ball and In The Bedroom weren’t playing at a theatre near me. Well now that they have gone from Oscar bait, to Oscar nominated that is changing! I get to see In The Bedroom later today and Monster’s Ball will finally open in my region next week. Woo hoo!

But I digress. As I mentioned there are five new films opening this weekend, so let me get to those:

Bruce Willis and Colin Farrell have both made great films, and will make great films again some day. That some day is not today! Hart’s War could have been the great war film that “Behind Enemy Lines” and “Black Hawk Down” weren’t, but instead of being unique, it gets bogged down by trying to be all things to all people. At it’s conclusion, it ends up being nothing for nobody. (Is that proper English?)

Crossroads doesn’t star a nobody. It stars pop princess Britney Spears as a young lady who is not a girl, not yet a woman. The movie is not great and it is CERTAINLY not for Britney’s young female fans, but she is surprisingly not bad! She’s no Mandy Moore, but Britney is okay in the movie.

Hey, do you remember another movie with that title? Well, hot off of “The Karate Kid” Ralph Macchio starred in a movie called Crossroads back in 1986. I wonder where he is now. I wonder where Britney Spears will be 16 years after her roads cross…

And it’s a cross Dad who’s mad at the state of the medical system in America that’s at the center of John Q. Denzel Washington was great as “Malcolm X”, but this movie is more than just 8 spots behind that landmark last letter in the alphabet. With a cast that also includes Robert Duvall, James Woods, Ray Liotta and a pre- crazy Anne Heche this movie could have been great! But it is surprisingly ineffective. I wanted to care, I really did, but in the end all I could think about was that Duvall’s character’s name was FRANK GRIMES. How can you take a serious drama serious when one of the lead’s names is Frank Grimes!

You can’t!

And you won’t take anything serious away from Super Troopers. It’s fun, frilly, frothy, stupid vaccuous entertainment with many laughs. Now if I can just stop singing that Abba song of the same name!

Ah yes, Abba, a band from my youth! A time when I was just a young boy who didn’t have to grow up. But now that I am almost 34, it might be time I lose my so- called “Peter Pan Complex” and act a bit more mature…

NO WAY MAN!!!! Especially when Peter Pan is back in theatres in Return To Never Land. And yes, this is a Disney movie with Peter Pan and not some documentary on victims returning to Michael Jackson’s house for vengeance. Although that might make a good movie too!

No, in Return To Never Land Wendy’s daughter Jane is kidnapped by Captain Hook and Peter must come to the rescue.

Ah, to be young again! I won’t grow up! I’ll never go to work! In fact, I think I’ll go to the movies!

Go Canada, go, and I’ll see you at the movies!