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Hey Dan! What’s new at the movies this weekend?

Now I know that you are curious as to the weekend’s new films, don’t you know curiosity killed the cat?!?!

Fortunately there are no cats at theatres this weekend!

But there is Red Green! The Possum Lodge funnyman stars with all of his cronies in the big screen version of the Red Green Show, which is aptly named Duct Tape Forever. Sure it’s funny enough and I got a kick out of it, but I offer you 4 words in review: Wait For The Video.

You might hope you waited for the video of Frailty but then you might be glad you saw it. Frailty, which stars Matthew McConaughey and Bill Paxton (who also directed), is a thriller that finds the FBI searching for a serial killer who calls himself ‘God’s Hands.’ You will either think it is a great thrill ride or dislike it immensely. There is no middle ground with this one.

There is no middle, or moral, ground to rely on in Changing Lanes, but that is what was good about it. Changing Lanes is a thought-provoking, sophisticated drama that explores the motivations behind our split second decision-making and the consequences that result.

Ben Affleck is a young Wall Street attorney on the fast track. Samuel L. Jackson, an insurance agent and recovering alcoholic engaged who is trying to get back on his feet again. The worlds of these two men suddenly collide during the morning rush hour traffic in New York.

Changing Lanes then focuses on the ethical decisions these characters make and the consequences their actions have on those around them. The 2 men get nasty, and luckily it is just a movie. But it’s a good movie!

The Sweetest Thing, however, is not a good movie. But it has Cameron Diaz and Christina Applegate so I am happy to cut it some slack. If only they had some of the fun I hear they had while making the film IN THE FILM, then this would have been great. As it is, it is a mildly entertaining chick flick with really hot chicks.

And the hot chicks- if you will pardon my sexism and sexist comments and grant me poetic license to continue in this vein- the hot chicks are the only reason I even bothered to see this weekend’s last new film, New Best Friend. I didn’t know anything about it and had no interest in seeing until I clicked on the title and saw that it starred the most incredible of lovely Canadian women Mia Kirshner! She’s hot, she’s cute, she’s exceptionally talented! I will see anything with her in it!

Then I noticed that the film also starred Dominique Swain and Meredith Monroe and I realized I had to sit through it.

Please don’t make the same mistake I did! If you are attracted to the above trio of ladies talent or looks, then enjoy! Otherwise, find another new best friend!

But wow! Does Mia look great!

So enjoy your Mia, I mean popcorn! Enjoy your popcorn and I’ll see you at the movies!

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Whaaaaat?!?

James Caan is doing a sitcom.

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And none of us will likely watch

Ellen DeGeneres may host a daily TV talk show next season.

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I guess she’s earned the right

MARIAH CAREY IS WEIGHING HER OPTIONS

Mariah Carey is playing hard to get and who can blame the pop diva who got nearly $30 million just to walk away from her last gig?

“There are three or four big labels aggressively pursuing her. Mariah’s a smart business woman and is taking her time before she makes any decisions,” said Carey’s spokeswoman on Thursday.

Carey, who got $28 million to part ways with EMI Group’s Virgin Records in January, is now talking with Vivendi Universal’s Island Def Jam, run by Lyor Cohen, AOL Time Warner Inc’s Elektra Entertainment Group, run by Sylvia Rhone and J Records, run by music legend Clive Davis.

Music industry sources said Carey has also talked with Warner Brothers Records, another label under the AOL Time Warner umbrella.

Carey, who has had more number one songs than anybody except for Elvis Presley and the Beatles, had a falling out with EMI after her album and movie, both titled “Glitter”, fared poorly.

The artist, who is set to star in an upcoming film with Mira Sorvino, also suffered a breakdown from nervous exhaustion in the past year.

Warner and J Records declined comment.

But in an interview with Reuters on Thursday, Universal Music chairman and chief executive officer Doug Morris acknowledged the company was in talks to sign Carey.

“We are trying to sign her,” he said, adding that he was aware that he was competing against Davis at J Records and Rhone at Elektra. “I’m not sure who’ll get it, but we have a very good chance,” he said.

He declined to comment on possible contract terms, but its a foregone conclusion, according to industry sources, that Carey’s next deal will be valued far below the estimated $80 million to $100 million EMI originally agreed to pay.

Under the buyout pact, Carey got $28 million to walk away and retained another $21 million previously paid to her when the EMI contract was first signed in April 2001.

Carey’s fallout with EMI reflected some of the difficulties facing the music industry as labels have paid huge sums of money for certain artists who have not panned out during a turbulent year when sales are hit hard by free online music swapping.

The recording companies are also dealing with a coalition of pop stars who have raised concerns about industry accounting practices.

But despite the industry’s woes and Carey’s rollercoaster year, the labels are anxious to get Carey, who has become one of the biggest selling pop artists of all time since her former husband Sony Music Entertainment chief Tommy Mottola discovered her as an 18-year-old waitress.

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Yup, she’s goofy. And HOT!

CAMERON DIAZ IS GOOFY

Actress Cameron Diaz said she isn’t goofy just when the cameras are on รณ she’s goofy in real life, too.

“I have pretty much behaved this way my entire life, which was probably more adoring when I was a a child than as an adult, when I’m sure it’s less attractive,” Diaz said, laughing.

Her new movie, “The Sweetest Thing,” co-stars Selma Blair and Christina Applegate and is a “raunchy, fun, screwball comedy,” Diaz said.

“We’re not being serious here. You’re meant to come in and have a good time,” Diaz said. “You’re meant to sort of leave everything else behind, all judgment, and just come in and have a good time, have a laugh.”

In the movie, Diaz said she had a great film filming the montage of scenes where she did impressions of Madonna in “Desperately Seeking Susan,” Olivia Newton-John in “Grease” and other actresses.

She also does a lot of physical humor.

Diaz said as long as she puts on plenty of padding and knows how to throw her weight and exaggerate her movements, she doesn’t get hurt when she falls.

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Now that’s Ted Danson money!

Even though it would have meant $1 billion, an Abba reunion was not worth the pressure or the disappointed fans, according to former member Bjorn Ulvaeus.

So I guess the question as to whether or not they need the money has been answered.

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From the “Where Are They Now File”

Olivia Newton- John will have a new CD released next month.

I wonder. Has she ever been mellow?

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Hopefully that will appease them

DON’T BLAME IT ON RIO, BLAME IT ON HOMER

The Simpsons executive producer James L. Brooks issuing an apology (sort of) to the city of Rio de Janeiro after its tourist board threatened to sue Fox over a recent episode. “We apologize to the lovely city and people of Rio,” Brooks says, “and if that doesn’t settle the issue, Homer Simpson offers to take on the president of Brazil on Celebrity Boxing.”

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Which one will you watch? Which one will you tape? Which two will you ignore?

SWEEPSTAKES

NBC is slating their two-hour reunion special “The Cosby Show: A Look Back” for May 19. The show will go up against the two-hour series finale of Fox’s “The X-Files,” the two-hour season finale of ABC’s “The Practice” and the three-hour wrap-up of CBS’ “Survivor: Marquesas.”

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It’s finally official!

Austin Powers 3 is once again (legally) called “Austin Powers In Goldmember.”

I did like “You Only Shag Thrice” as an alternative, though!