Short-lived celebrity marriages
Science tells us that the shortest-lived thing in the universe is a "top quark" -- a subatomic particle that exists for only a septillionth of a second.
This beats by a nose the time it took for the love to leave Britney Spears' marriage.
The singer's quickie Vegas wedding to childhood friend Jason Alexander was annulled yesterday after 13 hours, putting her joke nuptials in the running for shortest Hollywood marriage -- a category of wedded bliss that is best measured by an atomic clock.
Here with a rundown of some of the looser celebrity interpretations of the words " 'til death do us part:"
ROBIN GIVENS & SVETOZAR MARINKOVIC: One day. He was the actress' tennis instructor.
ZSA ZSA GABOR & FELIPE DE ALBA: One day. Husband No. 8 did not last long.
MICHELLE PHILLIPS & DENNIS HOPPER: Eight days. About as long as it took for the 'buzz' to wear off.
CARMEN ELECTRA & DENNIS RODMAN: Nine days before Rodman filed to annul this drunken misadventure. He's since a dad of two with wife Michelle Moyer, which suggests he may indeed be among the great rebounders in NBA history.
CATHERINE OXENBERG & ROBERT EVANS: 10 days. The legendary producer Evans blamed his then-recent stroke for the bad judgment.
ERNEST BORGNINE & ETHEL MERMAN: One month. Chalk this one up to "irreconcilable similarities."
DREW BARRYMORE and JEREMY THOMAS: 39 days. She says she married the Welsh bar owner to get him his green card.
RICK ROCKWELL & DARVA CONGER: 49 days. The Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire couple's marriage was essentially over before the first commercial break (and by accounts, it was never consummated). But it took 49 days to squeeze every last ounce of publicity out of this freak show.
NICOLAS CAGE & LISA MARIE PRESLEY: Three months. Aliens kidnapped Cage and forced Lisa Marie to hand over the crystal of Okmar, thus rendering their marriage invalid under Tau Ceti law. OK, not, but it makes as much sense as any other theory about them.
ASHLEY HAMILTON & ANGIE EVERHART: Three months. Biggest fight came after ex-boyfriend, Sylvester Stallone, gave the married Angie a Porsche.
COLIN FARRELL & AMELIA WARNER: Four months. In a fit of passion, Colin described his then-wife to the Sun thus: "She's a great girl. She's like one of my mates. She doesn't just go to the pubs with me. She gets there before me and leaves after I do." They reportedly split over the bar bill.
CHARLIE SHEEN & DONNA PEELE: Six months. Bad boy Charlie said he "found religion" and called it off. He would later be seen praying with porn stars.
DREW BARRYMORE & TOM GREEN: Six months. Grounds for divorce: Freddy Got Fingered.
ASHLEY HAMILTON & SHANNEN DOHERTY: Six months. They'd met two weeks earlier. "One day in his car he turned to me and said, 'Let's get married.' I thought he was joking and went, 'Yeah!' But he called later and said, 'I'm really into this marriage thing.' And that was that. It was six months of hell. I didn't know Ashley at all. I didn't know he was a drug addict."
COURTNEY THORNE-SMITH & ANDREW CONRAD: Eight months. Oops. She was the featured blushing bride on the cover of InStyle Weddings -- just after she filed for divorce from the biotech mogul.
CHRISTIE BRINKLEY & RICHARD TAUBMAN: Eight months. The supermodel and real estate magnate hooked up after surviving a deadly helicopter crash together, but strangely found it hard to recapture the excitement in their relationship afterwards.
J.LO & CRIS JUDD: Nine months. Ms. Lopez's former dancer got custody of their chocolate Labrador Buster and went on to win the reality series I'm A Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here!
JIM CARREY & LAUREN HOLLY: 10 months. In a press release announcing their marriage, Carrey quipped: "I am striving to live a loving and honorable life. Lauren is my proof and my reward; not to mention a fantastic beard to conceal my raging homosexual lifestyle."
ANNA NICOLE SMITH & J. HOWARD MARSHALL: 14 months. But the oil mogul died with a smile on his face -- just from knowing how much he'd pissed off his kin.
BELIEVE IT OR NOT, THEY'RE STILL MARRIED: Sylvester Stallone and Jennifer Flavin (six years). Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown (11 years).
Kidman in talks for 'Bewitched'
Nicole Kidman is in final talks for the lead role in "Bewitched," the big-screen adaptation of the '60s TV series, reports U.K. website Empire Online.
Kidman would play Samantha, a housewife, mother and witch, famous for her domestic mishaps and broomstick rides.
"Elf" star Will Ferrell has signed on to play Samantha's husband Darrin after Jim Carrey reportedly turned down the role.
Nora Ephron ("Sleepless in Seattle," "You've Got Mail") will direct "Bewitched," which is scheduled to begin filming in April.
'Nemo' Reels in Record Year for DVDs
LOS ANGELES (Zap2it.com) - Record high DVD sales and rentals made 2003 the "year of the DVD," thanks in part to an orange clown fish.
Disney/Pixar's "Finding Nemo" became the top-selling DVD of all time in November, selling 15 million units in its first 12 days out, according to a release by the Video Software Dealers Association (VSDA).
Beyond "Nemo," the DVD as a home video format has overshadowed its poor country predecesor, the VHS cassette, with approximately 17 discs bought per player compared to the average of six VHS titles purchased per unit in 1996.
"We have simply run out of superlatives to describe the DVD phenomenon," says VSDA President Bo Andersen. "It's bigger and better than anyone imagined it could be."
DVD's rapid growth, increasing 46 percent in sales and 55 percent in rentals since 2002, not only draws success from its movie releases, but from TV shows on DVD as well. The lure of easily replaying episodes of favorite series -- without waiting for unpredictable syndication schedules -- led consumers to purchase an estimated 1.46 billion television show DVDs in 2003.
After passing notable milestones in 2003, the DVD can look forward to increasing success in the new year.
"Given that we have just passed the 50 percent mark in DVD player household penetration," says Andersen, "I would say this love affair is just starting."
OSCAR PREVIEW? The Producers Guild of Amercia on Monday announcing its nominations for top film of 2003: Cold Mountian, The Last Samurai, The Return of the King, Master and Commander, Mystic River and Seabiscuit. The PGA Awards, considered a key Oscar predictor, will be announced January 17.
SPLENDID! American Splendor, the indie biopic of oddball comic book author Harvey Pekar, named Best Picture of 2003 by the National Society of Film Critics. Lost in Translation's Bill Murray snagged Best Actor and Monster's Charlize Theron took home Best Actress.
CROWNING KING: Meanwhile, The Return of the King dominated at the Online Film Critics Society Awards on Monday, taking home a whopping nine prizes, including Best Picture and Best Director for Peter Jackson.
THE HONEYMOON IS OVER
Britney Spears has officially annulled her two-day-old marriage to childhood friend Jason Allen Alexander. A Las Vegas judge signed off on the annulment Monday. Spears' rep called the insta-wedding a "joke that went too far."
The Kinks' Davies Shot in New Orleans
NEW ORLEANS (Reuters) - Ray Davies, the lead singer of the British rock group The Kinks, was released from the hospital on Monday after being shot in the leg while chasing a mugger.
Davies, 59, was walking with a woman in the city's French Quarter Sunday evening when the shooting occurred, police said.
"Two men approached and had taken the woman's purse. He ran after them and was wounded in the right thigh," police spokesman Marlin Defillo told Reuters.
Police have arrested one suspect in the shooting and are searching for the second.
Part of the "British Invasion" of the 1960s, the Kinks shot to fame with "You Really Got Me" from their debut album in 1964. The band also hit the pop music charts with "All Day and All of the Night" later that year and the major hit "Lola."
Davies was on the 2004 New Year's honors list, and named a Commander of the Order of the British Empire. It ranks below the knighthoods earlier given to Paul McCartney, Mick Jagger and Elton John.
Former Relief Pitcher Tug McGraw Dies
PHILADELPHIA - Tug McGraw, the zany relief pitcher who coined the phrase "You Gotta Believe" with the New York Mets and later closed out the Philadelphia Phillies' only World Series championship, died Monday. He was 59.
McGraw died of brain cancer at the home of his son, country music star Tim McGraw, outside of Nashville, according to Laurie Hawkins, a family spokesperson. He had been battling the disease since March when he underwent surgery for a malignant tumor.
McGraw's illness came as a shock to fans and friends alike last spring. He was at Phillies' training camp in Clearwater, Fla., as a special instructor, looking fine and acting as funny as ever. On March 12, he was hospitalized and the tumor was discovered. He later said there had been signs something was wrong. For example, he mistakenly showed up at the ballpark on an off day.
"We lost a part of Mets history tonight," Mets owner Fred Wilpon said. "Tug was a battler on and off the field. I know he fought the disease with every ounce of energy he had. We'll all miss him dearly."
Especially former Phillies teammate and Hall of Famer Mike Schmidt.
"He put up a gallant fight," Schmidt said. "Publicly, he never let on that he had gotten a raw deal. He was Tug through the entire thing. As he always said, `I front-loaded my life, just like my contract.' His passing is hard to take because his presence meant so much to people around him."
Bob Boone, who was the Phillies' catcher from 1972-81, remained a close friend, too.
"I was real pleased I was able to be with him a little bit the last couple of months," Boone said from his home in Anaheim, Calif. "All of a sudden it hit and he went real quick, which probably is a blessing.
"I know he got more living out of his 59 years than anybody. What you saw was what Tug was. There was no phoniness at all. He loved people and loved life."
McGraw participated in the closing ceremonies for Veterans Stadium, which will be demolished next month. During the program, he re-enacted his final pitch of the 1980 World Series, striking out Kansas City's Willie Wilson for the title.
He popularized the phrase "You Gotta Believe" during the Mets' 1973 NL championship season and carried the slogan through his illness, vowing he'd be on hand next month to push the button to bring down the Vet.
McGraw was known for charging off the mound, slapping his right hand on his thigh and tapping his chest after a close call.
"Patting his hand on his heart after a guy hits a home run foul, who would do that in the heat of the battle?" said Phillies manager Larry Bowa, who played with McGraw on the 1980 championship team. "But it showed he had no fear. He was loose. That's how he played the game."
A left-hander who threw a screwball, McGraw could be a bit of screwball himself.
Once asked whether he preferred to play on a grass field or an artificial surface, he said, "I don't know. I never smoked any AstroTurf."
McGraw's playful personality often overshadowed his talent. He was an outstanding big-game pitcher during his 19-year career.
In 26 postseason games, he had a 2.23 ERA and was 3-3 with eight saves.
McGraw was 96-92 with a 3.14 ERA and 180 saves, and was a two-time All-Star. He made his major league debut with the Mets in 1965 at age 20 and finished with the Phillies in 1984.
After the 1974 season, McGraw was traded by the Mets to Philadelphia in a six-player swap that sent John Stearns to New York. With McGraw, the Phillies won five division titles, two NL pennants and one World Series.
McGraw had 20 saves and a 1.46 ERA in 1980, helping put Philadelphia into the playoffs. After the Phillies got past Houston in a tight NLCS — McGraw pitched in every game of the best-of-five series — they faced the Royals in the World Series.
In addition to his son Tim, McGraw is survived by sons Mark and Matthew McGraw; a daughter, Cari Velardo, and four grandchildren.
Funeral arrangements were not immediately available.
This Week's New Releases
This week in The Couch Potato Report I'll define the word classic and then use it once too often.
The word classic is used all too often these days in the movie world. Any film that makes money at the box office is immediately dubbed a classic.
By definition, the word classic means: "Serving as a standard of excellence; Of recognized value; and Historically memorable."
Some films that inarguably meet that criteria are THE GODFATHER, CITIZEN KANE, CASABLANCA, STAR WARS, SCHINDLER'S LIST and ALIEN.
Yes, I included ALIEN in that list!
And not just because it made money, which I'll address in a moment. ALIEN is on the list as it continues to serve as a standard of excellence for its use of suspense. That fact also makes it historically memorable.
Yes, ALIEN is a classic. Sadly, it is a classic with a very high recognized value. That means director Ridley Scott was allowed to mess around with it and create a new "director's version" of the film. That new version played in theatres last year and is now being released on DVD and video.
ALIEN originally arrived in 1979 between the releases of the original STAR WARS and THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK.
It was landmark combination of science fiction and horror and a wonderful diversion from George Lucas's space fantasy.
But it wasn't just a science fiction - slash - horror film. It also had painfully pleasurable relentless suspense.
The film centered on the crew of the space freighter Nostromo, who fell prey to a vicious creature that had gestated inside one of the ill-fated crew members.
Impeccably directed by Ridley Scott, the original version of ALIEN is one of the cinema's most unforgettable nightmares.
And because we can't forget it, Scott was allowed to create ALIEN - THE DIRECTOR'S CUT.
What's unfortunate about this new version is the same as most theatrical re-releases of moderate-to-classic films: The director has suffered from a cumulative attack of coulda-woulda-shoulda syndrome, and decides to rethink and rework the film for contemporary audiences.
Forgetting the time and, if you'll pardon the pun, space where it was created, in this DIRECTOR'S CUT Scott wants to speed up the timing for modern audiences. Audiences who have been weaned on the quick cut, fast editing style of today's filmmakers and TV producers.
But that pace was the beauty of the original version of ALIEN. It was slow moving and that motion, or lack thereof sometimes, is what made the film, is what MAKES the film a classic.
ALIEN - THE DIRECTOR'S CUT doesn't diminish the legacy of the original film. But it doesn't advance it either. Simply put, the original version is the better film.
My hope is that in the future director's who have made classic films will stay away from the "Of recognized value" part of the definition of the word classic and remember that creating and giving an audience a film that "Serves as a standard of excellence; and is Historically memorable" can be good enough.
I doubt they will as long as there is money to be made from these "director's versions", but I can dream can't I?
It's unlikely the director of UNDERWORLD will ever be asked to create a new version of his film. This dark, moody film is a love story about a vampire and werewolf who fall in love despite an ongoing rivalry between their two species.
UNDERWORLD is a good enough movie but it doesn't have one original moment throughout the entire 121 minute running time. It just blends a lot of familiar ideas together. Like I said, it's good enough and horror movie buffs will enjoy it.
Those who enjoy the work of Denzel Washington will probably also enjoy his new thriller OUT OF TIME. Its about a police chief who gets caught up in scandal and murder.
Sure, it is a contrived, at times implausible film but its worth seeing. This is a good movie for one of those days when it is just way too cold to go outside.
Like today!
OUT OF TIME has just enough twists to keep you wondering just enough so that you're interested in how Denzel Washington's character will get out of each predicament.
Be warned, it does have some corny, highly unlikely turns, but for me they just made it more fun.
Its no where near being a classic, but OUT OF TIME is a great film to rent.
ALIEN - THE DIRECTOR'S CUT, UNDERWORLD and OUT OF TIME are available to rent and buy right now.
COMING NEXT WEEK
FREDDY VS. JASON - Jason and Freddy battle from Elm Street to Crystal Lake in this meeting of the horror uberstars. (Robert Englund, Ken Kirzinger, Kelly Rowland)
JOHNNY ENGLISH - Ever see Mr. Bean? Well imagine him as a bumbling idiot who becomes a British secret spy. Now take away the humour. (Rowan Atkinson, Natalie Imbruglia, Ben Miller)
SWIMMING POOL - A murder-mystery author gets inspiration from a young woman. I can't wait to see this one myself! (Charlotte Rampling, Ludivine Sagnier, Charles Dance)
Enjoy the movies and I'll see you on The Couch!