Patrick Stewart: No More TREK for Me
In a recent interview with Cinema Confidential, STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION actor Patrick Stewart said that he likely won't be in another TNG movie. "I don't think so," Stewart said. "I think THE NEXT GENERATION is over with. I've probably said goodbye to Picard forever now."
Watts Joins ASSASSINATION
Naomi Watts (THE RING) has joined the cast of the indie film THE ASSASSINATION OF RICHARD NIXON, starring Sean Penn and Don Cheadle. In the film, Penn will star as true life furniture salesman Sam Byck. After repeatedly failing to achieve the "American dream," in the 1970s, Byck made plans to assassinate President Richard Nixon by hijacking a plane and crashing it into the White House. Cheadle would play Byck's only friend, Bonny, with whom Byck wanted to start up a business. Alfonso Cuaron, Jorge Vergara, Alexander Payne and Arnaud Duteil are executive producing. Jason Kliot and Joana Vicente are producing. Niels Mueller is directing.
SEXY SIDE OF FINANCE
Closed captions for ABC's World News Tonight mistakenly reporting that Alan Greenspan was being treated "for an enlarged prostitute." The Federal Reserve Chairman is in the hospital for an enlarged prostate.
NOT GOING ANYWHERE
Jon Stewart has signed on for another year of Comedy Central's Daily Show, which will take him through the 2004 Presidential election.
Beasties Question U.S., Chinese Regimes
TAIPEI (Billboard) - When the Beastie Boys traveled to Taipei, Taiwan, for an April 20 Tibetan Freedom Concert, they found themselves advocating their old cause in a unique political middle ground between the U.S. and China.
Adam Yauch (MCA) and Michael Diamond (Mike D) on Monday commented on issues related to both superpowers, namely corporate censorship of anti-war music in the U.S., and their continuing crusade against Chinese government oppression in Tibet.
On the American front, Yauch responded to a question about cuts in airplay for the anti-war Dixie Chicks, saying, "most of the media outlets are basically acting like cheerleaders for the whole war and for the Bush administration. Shortly after Sept. 11, some of these major corporations stopped playing things like John Lennon songs that just said anything about peace because they just wanted to be very careful not to do anything anti-American," he said.
Facilitating the trend, he added, "most of the radio stations are being bought up by Clear Channel and a few other corporations."
Neither Yauch nor Diamond expressed regret at releasing their own anti-war, anti-Bush administration views through their latest single, "In a World Gone Mad," which was made available for free download in March from the Beasties' official Web site.
"When we're making records it's kind of like a process of speaking out or speaking on what's happening to us, or things that are of concern to us or on our minds at that moment. Each record is just kind of a reflection of that," said Diamond, possibly giving some clues as to the content of the Beasties' next album, due next year. "We've been very, very fortunate in the sense that fairly early on we sold quite a number of records and that gave us a position of power."
However, when it came to playing Taiwan, those views presented something of an obstacle. Taiwan maintains its own democratic government, but China claims that the island is a "renegade province" and part of China. To warm up to the Chinese government and the world's largest market, Taiwan's music industry takes pains to avoid offending Beijing, especially by supporting Taiwanese independence or Tibetan freedom.
Even the local branch of the Beasties worldwide distributor, EMI Taiwan, was caught between a rock and a hard place. "We're promoting the Beastie Boys, not the concert itself," a label source admitted. "The concert is very sensitive to us. We're concerned about the China government's thinking. We don't know what this will bring out."
Yauch, who'd been in Taiwan three times before this visit, ended up arranging the concert through a small promoter who supports Taiwanese independence. Concert attendance hit around 7,000, which is large for Taiwan, and Tibetan flutist and Freedom Concert veteran Nawang Khechong commented that compared to prior events, "politically it was a much stronger response for Free Tibet."
Yauch agreed. "From what I've seen it seems that Taiwanese people are very supportive of Tibet, and more understanding of it than most," he said.
Now the only way the Beasties could attack the cause more directly would be to go a step further and play China. Yauch said he'd be eager for the chance but didn't think it would be practically possible. "We'd love to go to China," he said. "And at some point in the future hopefully we'll be able to do that if the government opens up a little bit more. But I don't think it would be wise for us to hold back on speaking out about oppression just so we could go there and entertain."
Madonna Slams American Values
LONDON (Reuters) - U.S. pop superstar Madonna, one of music's richest performers, has attacked her fellow Americans for being obsessed with the "wrong values" such as getting rich and looking good.
Madonna told the Radio Times that Americans had opportunities people in other countries did not have but got caught up in superficial dreams.
"We as Americans are completely obsessed and wrapped up in a lot of the wrong values -- looking good, having cash in the bank, being perceived as rich, famous and successful or just being famous," Madonna told the television listings magazine.
"It's the most superficial part of the American dream and who would know better than me? The only thing that's going to bring you happiness is love and how you treat your fellow man and having compassion for one another."
The interview coincided with the release this week of Madonna's latest album "American Life."
The album -- her first in three years -- received poor reviews and left many critics asking if pop's most successful chameleon had lost her touch after 20 years at the top.
"American Life" comes hard on the heels of the biggest flop of her career as a movie actress -- "Swept Away" which was directed by husband Guy Ritchie and widely panned by critics and audiences alike.
But Madonna, who has embraced domestic bliss in Britain with Ritchie and her two children in recent years, brushed off the criticism.
"The critics have been writing me off for 20 years. That's nothing new. As far as I know I still have plenty of fans and sell lots of records. Do I care what critics say about me? No, and I don't read reviews."
Dixie Chicks Pose Nude in Answer to Critics
NEW YORK (Reuters) - The three women of country music band the Dixie Chicks pose nude on the cover of a weekly showbiz magazine in a defiant answer to a backlash over their opposition to the war in Iraq.
Entertainment Weekly on Thursday released next week's cover in which the Grammy-winning performers wear only contradictory slogans painted on their bodies, including "Traitors," "Saddam's Angels," "Dixie Sluts," and "Proud Americans."
"We don't want people to think that we are trying to be provocative. It's not about the nakedness," band member Martie Maguire said in an accompanying interview with the magazine. "It's about clothes getting in the way of labels."
Maguire and fellow musicians Emily Robison and Natalie Maines said they posed nude in response to the controversy created by pro-war advocates over Maines' remark at a concert in London on March 10 that they were "ashamed" President Bush was from their home state of Texas.
Maguire told the magazine Maines also said in introducing the song "Travelin' Soldier" in London that it was neither a pro-war nor a peace song. She said Maines' bandmate Robison took the microphone immediately after the comment about Bush and said, "But you know we support the troops 100 percent."
Within days of the comment being published, Maines apologized, but many U.S. country music radio stations all but banished Dixie Chicks hits from the airwaves, some fans smashed their CDs and sales plummeted. Trash was dumped outside Robison's house.
DEATH THREATS
Maines said in a separate ABC TV "Primetime" interview to air on Thursday night that the band members feared for their lives amid criticism they say was "out of control."
She told ABC's Diane Sawyer she criticized Bush out of frustration and remained "passionate" in her anti-war views, even if she now regretted the remark. ABC released a transcript of the interview on Wednesday.
"At that moment, on the eve of war, I had a lot of questions that I felt were unanswered," Maines told ABC. "I think the way I said it was disrespectful. The wording I used, the way I said it, that was disrespectful. I feel regret for, you know, the choice of words. Am I sorry that I asked questions and that I don't just follow? No."
Maines, who was interviewed with Maguire and Robison, said despite telling the London audience she was "ashamed the president of the United States is from Texas," she did not feel that way.
"No, I'm not truly embarrassed that, you know, President Bush is from my state, that's not really what I care about," she said. "I felt like there was a lack of compassion every time I saw Bush talking about this. I honestly felt a lack of compassion for people that are questioning this (war), for the people that are about to die for this on both sides."
Maguire said she understood why some fans would be upset by the remark but found much of the reaction to be disproportionate.
New Shania Twain Video To Air On CMT, VH-1
The video for Shania Twain's new single, "Forever And For Always," will have its world premiere on CMT's Most Wanted Live show on Saturday (April 26), at 7 p.m. ET. The clip will also go to VH1 on Monday (April 28) for potential airing.
Twain said she contributes to the direction on most of her videos because, having written her own songs, she has definite ideas already in mind. "I'm very involved with all of my videos," Twain said. "I think it's because I write all my songs and I already have a visual idea so way in advance."
"Forever And For Always" is from Twain's latest release, the multiplatinum-selling Up!. The song continues to climb the country singles charts.
Jane's Addiction Signs To Capitol, Farrell Considering Two Singles
Jane's Addiction has inked a deal with Capitol Records to release its forthcoming album Hypersonic. The first album of all new material by Jane's Addiction since 1990's Ritual De Lo Habitual is slated to hit stores June 24. Details of the deal with Capitol Records were not available.
The first single from the collection hasn't been chosen yet, but band singer/songwriter Perry Farrell is eager for people to hear the material. He's even open to having two new singles. "It might be creative to put out two singles at once," Farrell said. "It's something that is not done too often, but so what? I think it might be, in this case, an interesting ambition shall we say to put out two singles--being that summer's coming and no one has heard the music. And I'm sure people are excited and raring to hear this music."
Farrell is glad that by the time Jane's Addiction starts the Lollapalooza tour on July 3 in Grand Rapids Michigan, fans will have had a chance to absorb the album.
Jessica Andrews Struggles With Growing Up In Public Eye
Jessica Andrews said that growing from a teenager into an adult in the public eye hasn't been so easy in her chosen profession. The now 19-year-old singer just released her third album, Now, which represents Andrews' leap from childhood into womanhood.
Andrews first appeared on the scene in 1999 at the age of 16 with her debut album, Heart Shaped World.
With a new sound, more mature material and a sophisticated look, Andrews said she couldn't be happier living the life of a full-fledged adult, complete with her own home and total control of her career. "It was more difficult for me, I think, because you're growin' up and you go through changes and your music changes and you change -- your looks and everything about you, so I finally feel like I'm at a spot in my life where I'm very comfortable and happy with everything that's going on," Andrews said. "I'm in complete control of everything that I do and I love that. I feel like it's a whole new me, in a way."
Andrews said she accepts the fact that some will always consider her a child, just as long as they give her the chance to build a long career. "It's definitely more challenging than an adult artist who's in their 20's or 30's because for awhile I will always have this association with being 12 years old and 14 years old when I come on to the scene, you know?" Jessics said. "That's gonna' be with me for a long time, which I'm okay with that, but from the very beginning, it was all about longevity to me."
Andrews' current single, "There's More To Me Than You," which she co-wrote her boyfriend, fellow artist Marcel, continues to climb the country singles charts.
300 reasons why we love The Simpsons
by Euan Ferguson (The U.K. Observer)
The 300th episode of The Simpsons was broadcast earlier this year. Find a space on the sofa and read why, in 14 years, Matt Groening's show has become the world's best TV programme.
1 The Schadenfreude felt on recalling George Bush Sr's quote from 1992 - 'We're going to keep trying to strengthen the American family; to make them more like the Waltons and less like the Simpsons.' Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie are now the most popular American family of all time, especially in America.
2 Homer being voted, in 2001, Britain's favourite TV character ever - above Basil Fawlty, Father Ted and Del Boy.
3-5 The 'three little sentences' that Homer argues will get you through life. 1: 'Cover for me.' 2: 'Good idea, boss.' 3: 'It was like that when I got here.'
6 The minor characters, such as Bad Jack Crawley, such a bad man that Bob Dylan wrote a song to keep him in jail.
7 Homer: 'Operator, give me the number for 911!'
8 Their proof to TV executives that dumbing up, rather than down, has nothing to recommend it except awards integrity, ratings, laughter and profits.
9-15 Number of days (seven), according to the sign outside Springfield Nuclear Plant, since the last accident.
16-17 Number of times (twice) Homer has saved the plant from meltdown by pressing the right button at the last minute. Accidentally.
18 Grampa Abe.
19-22 How not to play blackjack: Dealer:'19.' Homer: Hit me! Dealer: '20.' Homer: 'Hit Me!' Dealer: '21.' Homer: 'Hit me!' Dealer: '22.' Homer: 'D'oh!'
23 Ideally, you should be able to watch each episode anew at five distinct stages in life. As a toddler, marvelling at all the bright colours; as a teenager, enjoying the tilts at authority; as a student, relishing the in-jokes and movie references; as an adult, musing on the truths about life, love and death; and in your dotage, marvelling at all the bright colours.
24 Fabulously incompetent lawyer Lionel Hutz. ('This is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film The Never-Ending Story '), and in particular...
25 ...this exchange with Marge. Hutz: 'Now don't you worry, Mrs. Simpson, I - uh-oh. We've drawn Judge Snyder.' Marge: 'Is that bad?' Hutz: 'Well, he's kind of had it in for me, since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace "accidentally" with "repeatedly", and replace "dog" with "son".'
26 And his mantra. 'If there's one thing America needs, it's more lawyers.'
27-36 The 10 Harvard-educated writers.
37 Those critics who got it wrong at the start by billing the Simpsons as 'America's most dysfunctional family.' It's now clear that Homer almost always ends up doing the right thing; it is, it could be argued, one of the most moral shows on television today. According to Archbishop of Canterbury Dr Rowan Williams: 'It's one of the most subtle pieces of propaganda around in the cause of sense, humility and virtue.'
38 Patty and Selma. NB: Selma has parted hair and blue dress. Patty's the other one.
39 The sweet irony that the most profitable and arguably the greatest TV series ever came about because of the greed of copyright lawyers. Creator Matt Groening planned to recycle characters from a newspaper strip but was told this would involve mortgaging his soul to the studio. Forced to invent some instant unknowns, he drew a new family on a pad.
40 Maggie's first word ('Daddy') was voiced by Liz Taylor.
41 The deliberate mystery over which state Springfield is in. Always, just before we see a name, someone stands in front of the map. Interestingly, Portland, Oregon, where Groening grew up, has streets called Flanders and Lovejoy.
42 Bart's one trophy. Inscribed 'Everybody Gets A Trophy Day.'
43 Nathaniel West, in Day of the Locust, featured a character called 'Homer Simpson' - played by Donald Sutherland, who also guested in The Simpsons, as curator of the Springfield Historical Society.
44-57 The 14 glorious years since the first airing on 17 December, 1989.
58 The American love-love relationship with food, including:
59 Homer: 'Donut?' Lisa: 'No, thanks. Do you have any fruit?' Homer: [offers some of the donut he's eating] 'This has purple stuff inside. Purple is a fruit.'
60 ...and where it comes from: Homer: 'Lisa, honey, are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?' Lisa: 'No.' Homer: 'Ham?' Lisa: 'No.' Homer: 'Pork chops?' Lisa: 'Dad! Those all come from the same animal!' Homer: [chuckles] Yeah, right Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.
61 And what to do with condiments.
Agent Mulder: 'We want you to recreate your every move the night you saw this alien.' Homer: 'Well, the evening began at the gentleman's club, where we were discussing Wittgenstein over a game of backgammon.' Mulder: 'Mr Simpson, it's a felony to lie to the FBI.' Homer: 'We were sitting in Barney's car eating packets of mustard. Ya happy?'
62 And what it's called. Bart (as Tom Sawyer): 'Hmm. Looks like we're out of cornpone, fatback, hardtack, fatpone, corntack...' Nelson (as Huck Finn): 'Any tackback?' Bart: 'Tackback?' Nelson: 'I mean backtack.' Bart: 'Plum out.'
63 They get British humour. And throw it back at us, as in... Bart: 'You're watching PBS?' Homer: 'Hey, I'm as surprised as you, but I stumbled across the most delicious British sitcom.' Bart: [reading title] 'Do Shut Up'? Homer: 'It's about a hard-drinking yet loving family of soccer hooligans. If they're not having a go with the birds, they're having a row with the wankers.'
64 Homer's Y-fronts. 'My favourite bits', according to novelist A.S. Byatt.
65 Napier University now uses The Simpsons to teach the defining characteristics of postmodernism.
66-75 Bart's 10 best blackboard lines: I was not touched 'there' by an angel; Fire is not the cleanser; Fish do not like coffee; Pork is not a verb; The hamster did not have 'a full life'; No one wants to hear about my sciatica; I am not my long-lost twin; The nurse is not dealing; I will not surprise the incontinent; Temptation Island is not a sleazy piece of crap.
76 Newspaper editor: 'We're looking for a new food critic, someone who doesn't immediately pooh-pooh everything he eats.' Homer: 'Nah, it usually takes a few hours.'
77 America's greatest love affair, between Marge and Homer. The most telling exchanges?
78 Marge: 'Homer, is this the way you pictured married life?' Homer: 'Pretty much. Except we drove around in a van solving mysteries.'
79 Marge: 'How do I know I can trust you?' Homer: 'Marge, look at me: we've been separated for a day, and I'm as dirty as a Frenchman. In another few hours I'll be dead! I can't afford to lose your trust again.'
80 Homer: 'Marge... I don't really want to go through with this. But being an astronaut is how I got you to respect me.' Marge: 'Homer, when I met you, you weren't an astronaut. You didn't even know how to use a touch-tone, but I still respected you and I always will, no matter what... [touch-tone sounds come from the phone] ... Homer, you already dialled...'
81-98 The 18 Emmys.
99 Getting away with the clip shows by making fun of clip shows.
100 D'oh was in the 2001 Oxford Dictionary.
101 The Simpsons star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame.
102-108 The four best lands of Itchy and Scratchy Land theme park -Torture Land, Explosion Land, Searing Gas Pain Land, Unnecessary Surgery Land - and the three most bizarre 'friends' of the psychopathic anthropomorphs: Disgruntled Goat, Rich Uncle Skeleton and Ku Klux Clam.
109 Itchy, by the way, is the mouse.
110 In 1997, the programme broke The Flintstones' record for longest-running animated show.
111 America's second-greatest love affair - Homer and various liquids.
112 Starting, while stranded in a lifeboat, with the least likely: Homer: 'Flanders! My socks feel dirty. Give me some water to wash them.' Flanders: 'Again? Homer, we have to ration the water carefully. It's our only hope!' Homer: 'Oh, pardon me, Mr "Let's ration everything", but what do you think we're floating on? Don't you know the poem? 'Water, water, everywhere, so let's all have a drink...'
113 And moving on to the more predictable. Homer: 'Got any of that beer that has candy floating in it? You know, Skittlebrau?' Apu: 'Such a beer does not exist, sir. I think you must have dreamed it.' Homer: 'Oh. Well, then just give me a six-pack of beer and a couple of bags of Skittles.'
114 And Red Tick beer: 'Hmm, bold, refreshing, and something I can't quite put my finger on,' says Homer. (Scene shifts to brewery, where dogs are swimming in vats of beer. Brewery worker: 'Needs more dog.')
115 The motto of the earliest Springfield settlers. 'First toil, then the grave.'
116 Friday nights in the Skinner household, where Principal Skinner's mother Agnes insists on them enjoying a quiet evening together - because Friday night is silhouette night.
117 The guest stars, including Stephen Hawking, whose appearance moved Homer to new heights of taste and empathy ('So, Lisa, did you have fun with your robot buddy?')
118 Loyal fans. 'My appearance on The Simpsons was the pinnacle of my career,' Helen Fielding told us yesterday. 'I was quite pleased with the way I turned out. Apart from the snout.'
119 And Jonathan Ross: 'After 300 episodes I can only think of a very few flat bits. That's an unbelievable achievement.'
120 'Lisa's my favourite character,' says Glenda Jackson, 'and I loved the episode where she got a new teacher that really made a difference.'
121 And the pop-star guest stars. Hard to forget Homer being introduced to a member of the Smashing Pumpkins: 'Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins.' ... 'Homer Simpson, smiling politely.'
122 Springfield and religion, and some simple truths, such as country singer Rachel Jordan explaining what happened to her band . 'They switched from Christian music to regular pop. All you do is change "Jesus" to "baby".
123 Or Ned Flanders, telling a bedtime story. 'And Harry Potter and all his wizard friends... went straight to hell for practising witchcraft.'
124 The fact, incidentally, that Ned's first name is actually Nedward.
125 Jebus. Many fans' favourite segment...
Homer [to Rev Lovejoy, as he is being forced into a plane to the South Pacific]: 'Wait, I'm no missionary! I don't even believe in Jebus! Let me out!' [Homer runs to the door and pounds on it. Cut to outside, looking in the window] Homer: 'Oh, save me Jebus!'
126 Homer [to God]: 'You're everywhere. You're omnivorous.'
127 And on death: 'Don't worry. Being eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep. In a giant blender.'
128 Homer, again, having swiftly forgotten Jebus. 'I'm not normally a religious man, but... if you're up there, save me, Superman!'
129-134 The five most emancipated sayings of the Malibu Stacy dolls (as collected by Smithers and Lisa) - 'I wish they taught shopping in school'; 'Let's bake some cookies for the boys'; 'Don't ask me - I'm just a girl'; Now let's forget our troubles with a big bowl of strawberry ice-cream'; 'Thinking too much gives you wrinkles' and 'My name is Malibu Stacy but you can call me (wolf-whistle).'
135 The 2002 Mori poll which showed 66 per cent of Britons were interested in the lives of the Simpsons (18 per cent said the same about the royals.
136 Homer on the American way. 'Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day, and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.'
137 The name of Australia's Prime Minister is simply 'Andy'.
138 Baby Maggie. The cost of Maggie - $847.63 - as she is accidentally 'swiped' during the opening credits was once given as the amount required to raise a baby for one month in the US.
139 And she shot Mr Burns.
140 And she inspired this exchange. Homer: 'That baby-proofing crook wanted to sell us safety covers for the electrical outlets. But I'll just draw bunny faces on them to scare Maggie away.' Marge: 'She's not afraid of bunnies.' Homer (ominously): 'She will be.'
141 In 1999, in its century's end edition, Time magazine called it 'the best show in the history of television'.
142-144 The finest made-up names. The witch who tricks Bart and Lisa into her gingerbread house grows un-witchily touchy about her love life, insisting she does have a boyfriend. Bart/Lisa: 'Yeah, right.' Witch: 'What? I do!' Lisa: 'What's his name?' Witch: Uh... George. George... [looks around]... George Cauldron.'
Marge is also inspired, when she gives her address on the phone to the police as 'um... 123 Fake Street.' (Chief Wiggum, of course, later checks it out. There is, of course, a crime in progress). Homer's most devious masquerading comes as he tries to board a rocket for important people. ('I am the piano genius from the movie, Shine .' Guard: Uh-uh. And your name is?' Homer: 'Um... Shiney McShine?')
145 Brazil threatened to sue after the line: 'Rio is a city where all men are bisexual, fearsome monkeys roam the streets and tourists are kidnapped by taxi drivers.'
146 Marge's deepest secret. ('My hair isn't really blue.')
147 Homer on trust. 'But Marge, I swear to you, I never thought you'd find out!'
148 The New Bedlam Home for the Emotionally Interesting.
149 The producers turned down Al Gore for a guest role (after he had refused an earlier request, when they were less globally famous), and David Beckham.
150-153 Troy McClure's four most magnificent educational films, including 'Smoke Yourself Thin'; 'Get Confident, Stupid!'; 'Firecrackers: the Silent Killer' and 'Fuzzy Bunny's Guide to You-know-what.'
154-165 The steps in Barney's AA programme. Homer comes along as moral support, until he finds the donuts are on the other side of the room. ('That's a full, oh, 12 steps away! Who can be bothered with something that needs 12 whole steps?' etc).
166-172 Number of years between breeding, under the new Springfield Charter. According to the Comic Book Guy - supposedly Groening's cameo - 'Inspired by the most logical race in the galaxy, the Vulcans, breeding will be permitted once every seven years. For many of you, this will be much less breeding. For me, much, much more.'
173 Sex and Springfield, continued: Mayor Quimby's most successful chat-up-line ('How would you like to have a street named after you?'
174 And Bart's take on the whole affair. 'What a day, eh, Milhouse? The sun is out, birds are singing, bees are trying to have sex with them... as is my understanding.'
175 And Jimbo Jones's. Dolph to Nelson: 'Oh man, you kissed a girl?' Jimbo: 'That is so gay.'
176 The makers resisted Japanese calls to have the characters redrawn with four fingers - Japanese culture looks down on missing fingers as evidence of a menial job.
177-182 The world's worst television, show, 'Rock Bottom', is forced to apologise for labelling Homer a sexual harasser. The list of other apologies, scrolled unreadably fast down the screen, includes, 'Styrofoam is not made from kittens', 'The nerds on the internet are not geeks', 'Roy Rogers was not buried inside his horse' and 'Salt water does not "chase the thirsties away."' Oh, and 'If you are reading this you have no life.'
183 'Bleedin' Gums' Murphy, Lisa's sax mentor. Lisa: ' How come they call you Bleedin' Gums?' Gums: 'Well, let me put it this way. You ever been to the dentist?' Lisa: 'Yeah.' Gums: 'Not me. I suppose I should go, but I got enough pain in my life as it is.'
184 And, less groovily, her school music teacher, Mr Largo. 'Lisa, there's no room for crazy bebop in 'My Country 'Tis of Thee'.
185 The prank calls to Moe's which were based on real-life calls in the Eighties to the Tube Bar in New Jersey, whose owner, Louis 'Red' Deutsch, famously threatened the pranksters with the foulest language ever heard on God's earth. Down the years Moe has fallen for the likes of Heywood U Cuddleme ('Big guy in the back? Heywood U Cuddleme?') and Mike Rotch ('Has anyone seen Mike Rotch lately?')
186 The Michael Jackson episode - which he voiced uncredited.
187 The knowing cartoon references, as in this exchange between Bart and Chester J Lampwick (as played by Kirk Douglas).
Chester: 'He didn't create Itchy: I did.'
Bart: 'Huh?' Chester: 'He stole the character from me in 1928. When I complained, his thugs kicked me out of his office, and dropped an anvil on me. Luckily, I was carrying an umbrella at the time.'
188 The 166 couch gags, including the one when the living room had turned into a nightclub. A bouncer let all the family in. Except, of course, Homer.
189 Montgomery C. Burns, being forced to smile for a photo. ('I'm going to be sore tomorrow.')
190-192 Springfield's shops, such as the outdoor clothing store (Malaria Zone), boys' clothes store (Wee Monsieur) and joke shop (Yuckingham Palace)
193-195 Homer's code of the schoolyard. ' Don't tattle, always make fun of those different from you, never say anything unless you're sure everyone feels exactly the same way you do.'
196-199 The four food groups (of which, according to Bart's enforced blackboard lines, 'mud' is not one.)
200-202 The dogs in dog hell (because, as Homer points out, as Santa's Little Helper lies on his deathbed, there couldn't be heaven if there weren't a hell). 'Who's in there?' asks Bart.
Homer: 'Oh, uh ... Hitler's dog. And that dog Nixon had, whassisname, um...' Lisa: 'Checkers.' Homer: 'Yeah! One of the Lassies is in there, too. The mean one -- the one that mauled Jimmy.'
203 More Homer and animals. 'Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals. [Thinks] Except the weasel.'
204 And more weaselling genius.
Burns: 'Turn around, Simpson.' Homer: 'No! I can't get in trouble if I can't see you.' Smithers: 'I'm afraid he's got us, sir.'
205 The decision to release no other singles after the lousy 'Bartman'.
206 And the stroke of genius that allowed voice actor Dan Castellanata, in the second series, to 'get' Homer's voice perfectly. From then on, Homer, not Bart, was the true global star.
207 Number 742, Evergreen Terrace, home of the Simpsons.
208 Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel.
209 The one where Homer almost dies.
Homer: 'Ooh! My horoscope. Taurus: today you will die.' Marge: 'WHAT?' [checks own horoscope] 'Today your husband will die?' (gasp). 'Homer, I'm scared!' Homer: 'Oh, scary newspaper! Don't hurt me, horoscope! ... AARGH!' [gets a paper cut].
210-211 Krusty's Brand Goods, and what they say about corporate America. Krusty's Non-Toxic Kologne ('use in well-ventilated areas'); Krusty's home pregnancy kit ('may cause birth defects').
212-219 Itchy and Scratchy film titles. Bang the Cat Slowly, Field of Screams, The Last Traction Hero, Aesophygus Now, Skinless in Seattle, Scar Trek: The Next Laceration, Why Do Fools Fall in Lava? and... Reservoir Cats.
220 Groening calls one show 'The Worst Episode Ever'.
221-229 Number of months (nine), on average, between inception and final episode. Each episode is, ideally, 21 minutes and 41 seconds long.
230-232 Three of the best cases of interplay between father and daughter. Lisa: 'I'm studying for the math fair. If I win, I'll bring home a brand new protractor.' Homer: 'Too bad we don't live on a farm.'
Or Homer, to Lisa: 'You know-nothing know-it-all!'
Or, if you prefer, when they're lost in the countryside: Lisa: 'Remember, Dad. The handle of the Big Dipper points to the North Star.' Homer: 'That's nice, Lisa, but we're not in astronomy class. We're in the woods.'
233-272 Number of decimal points (40) to which Apu can recite pi. (Homer, naturally, greets the news with the phrase 'Mmmm... pie.').
273-274 The sly references to Fox and Rupert Murdoch, for whom Groening has created the most successful US TV series ever. For example, Marge: 'Lisa, normally I would say that you should stand up for what you believe in, but you've been doing that an awful lot lately.' Bart: 'Yeah, you made us march in that gay rights parade.' Homer: 'And we can't watch Fox because they own those chemical weapons plants in Syria.'
Or: Lisa: 'Wow, Dad, you're surfing like a pro!' Homer: 'Oh, yeah! I invested in something called 'News Corp.' Lisa: 'Dad, that's Fox!' Homer: [shrieks] 'Undo! Undo!' [hits key, sighs]
275 And the Devil uses Microsoft.
276-287 Number of years since Groundsman Willie said 'cheese-eating surrender-monkeys'.
288 Homer on aspiration. 'Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is: never try.'
289 And priorities. 'If a gun can protect something as important as a bar, then it's good enough to protect my family.'
290 And real priorities. 'To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!'
291 Lisa: 'And now you can go back to just being you, instead of a one-dimensional character with a silly catchphrase.'
292 Homer: [breaks a lamp] 'D'oh!'
293 Bart: 'Ay, caramba!'
294 Marge: 'Mmm.'
295 Maggie: [sucks her pacifier]
296 Flanders: 'Heidely-ho!'
297 Barney: [burps]
298 Nelson: 'Ha, ha!'
299 Burns: 'Ex-cellent!'
[Everyone looks at Lisa]
300 Lisa: [unimpressed] 'If anyone wants me, I'll be in my room.'
· Additional research by Carl Wilkinson
What's on TV: Thursday
-Fox has Michael Jackson's Private Home Movies (tonight, 8 ET/PT). My advice? Respect his privacy. After all, what could he possibly show, even on Fox, that you haven't already seen before?
-Friends (NBC, 8 p.m. ET/PT) launches another romantic triangle in a sweeps-extended episode, as Ross (David Schwimmer) and Joey fall for a beautiful paleontologist (Aisha Tyler, who begins an extended run on the show). Soap stars Kyle Lowder and Matthew Ashford also appear and make a play for a suddenly Joey-fied Rachel.
-The night's biggest guest, however, shows up on NBC an hour later as Madonna visits Will & Grace (9 p.m. ET/PT). She plays Karen's new roommate, and there's a duo if ever there was one. The episode is followed by a Will clip-show salute to the sitcom's best guests.
-ABC inserts a special edition of PrimeTime Thursday (9 p.m. ET/PT) devoted to developments in the Laci Peterson case.
-You can think of tonight's CSI (CBS, 9 ET/PT) as the show's revenge on its sitcom competition. The victim is a comic.
-From punch lines to punches: The investigators on Without a Trace (CBS, 10 p.m. ET/PT) are looking for a missing boxer. Davis Henry stars as the absent welterweight.
TEENAGE 'IDOL' IS IDLED
Carmen Rasmussen, the youngest "American Idol 2" contestant, got the heave-ho on last night's live episode.
"It's such a big stepping stone. It's been awesome," the blond, bubbly 18-year-old said after learning of her fate.
The Bountiful, Utah, native smiled bravely after being told by "AI2" host Ryan Seacrest that she was voted off by the show's fans.
With Rasmussen gone, that leaves five contestants: fan favorite Ruben Studdard, Marine Josh Gracin, jug-eared Clay Aiken and Tennessee natives Trenyce and Kimberley Locke.
Josh and Trenyce had, along with Carmen, received the least amount of votes from "AI2" viewers.
"Not one of these three have any chance of winning this competition," "AI2" judge Simon "Mr. Nasty" Cowell had said before Carmen learned of her fate. "Whichever two of you are left, you really have to raise your game."
That means Josh and Trenyce were put on notice by Cowell, whose opinions are deemed influential to the viewers voting at home.
Kelly Clarkson, who won the first "American Idol" competition last summer, was shown on last night's show receiving word that her first album, "Thankful," hit No. 1 on the Billboard pop charts.
Brokaw Lands Post-War Interview With Bush
NEW YORK - NBC's Tom Brokaw has landed the first one-on-one interview with President Bush since the start of the war with Iraq.
The NBC anchorman will travel with Bush on Air Force One Thursday to two events in the Midwest. It will be broadcast as a one-hour special Friday, with parts of the interview also being seen that night on "NBC Nightly News."
Brokaw will talk to the president about the war, the rebuilding effort, his plans for the economy and a potential re-election campaign.
Brokaw's "Nightly News" is the top-rated network evening news program, its lead over ABC and CBS widening in recent months. The president tries to spread television access around; CBS' Scott Pelley landed an exclusive chat during last fall's observance of the Sept. 11 anniversary.
Imax Plugging 'Matrix' Sequels Into Large Screen
LOS ANGELES (Hollywood Reporter) - "The Matrix" sequels are coming to a big and bigger screen near you.
Large-screen theater operator Imax said Wednesday that Warner Bros. Pictures and producer Village Roadshow's upcoming "Matrix" films, "The Matrix Reloaded" and "The Matrix Revolutions," will be released on Imax's 15 frames-per-second/70mm screen format to accompany the standard theatrical releases debuting this year.
Using Imax's new Digital Re-mastering (DMR) technology that allows 35mm films to be transferred to the larger format without compromising quality, the Imax version of Andy and Larry Wachowski's "The Matrix Reloaded" will open two to three weeks after the film's May 15 release in 35mm. Warner Bros. Pictures president of domestic distribution Dan Fellman said Warners is looking at June 6 for the Imax release. The Imax version of "The Matrix Revolutions" will bow day and date with the film's Nov. 5 theatrical release, marking the first time a Hollywood event film is released concurrently in both formats.
"The Matrix" films, starring Keanu Reeves, are the third and fourth DMR-converted films, after Universal's rerelease of Imagine Entertainment's "Apollo 13" and 20th Century Fox's rerelease of Lucasfilm's "Star Wars: Episode 2 -- Attack of the Clones" last year.
"We're excited to give fans the opportunity to experience the world of 'The Matrix' in this spectacular format," said Joel Silver, producer of "The Matrix" trilogy. "Throughout the Imax digital remastering conversion process, the Imax team took meticulous care in maintaining the technical integrity of the films."
Imax president of filmed entertainment Greg Foster said Warner Bros. initially planned to release "Revolutions" day and date, but when the executives and the film's creators saw the initial Imax footage, they wanted to adapt "Reloaded" as well.
"We've done a lot of tests for a lot of films, and for whatever reason, 'The Matrix' works for what we do," Foster said. "The sound and presentation is spectacular on the Imax screen."
Financial terms of the "Matrix" deal were not disclosed, but Imax co-chairman and co-CEO Brad Wechsler said the higher ticket price charged for the Imax experience should benefit both the exhibitor and Warner Bros.
"Those incremental dollars benefit both companies," Wechsler said. "We don't really make much money on the film business but rather on our theater network business. We believe that showing a film like 'The Matrix' will expand our audience in the 15- to 30-year-old range, a group we look forward to bringing back to Imax theaters."
The company plans to release "Reloaded" on more than 35 Imax screens in the United States.
"Down the road, the success of these movies should lead to the expansion of Imax around the country," Fellman said. "Imax is a process that needed to develop more content. This is a first step for them to maximize their potential, and I'm very pleased that we are the first company to enter into an (day-and-date) agreement with them."
The two companies will also distribute the first-ever 3-D motor sports film "NASCAR: The Imax Experience 3D" next spring.
Actor Alan Thicke Hurt by Flying Hockey Puck
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Never mind "Growing Pains." This must have really hurt. Alan Thicke, the Canadian-born actor best known as a TV dad on the hit comedy "Growing Pains," lost five teeth and required 30 stitches after getting hit with a hockey puck.
"I won't be playing any leading man roles in the next couple of months," Thicke said in a statement issued by spokesman Jerry Digney.
Digney said the 56-year-old Thicke was playing hockey alongside actor Michael Vartan, who plays a CIA agent on the ABC drama "Alias," and was not wearing proper headgear when he took an errant puck to the face.
The spokesman said Thicke, who is working on an updated version of his book "How Men Have Babies," will need extensive dental work and possibly cosmetic surgery to repair the damage.