Spring movie preview
Think it’s hard finding a place to put Anna Nicole Smith? Try being a studio executive who has to decide on a final resting place for their latest female-driven thriller or low-rent action comedy.
With the months of May through August stuffed with the overpriced hot rods of Hollywood, the film industry continues to struggle to find manoeuvring room in the off-season for movies it believes might have a chance at commercial and critical kudos, but would likely be quashed by the latest Shrek or Pirates of the Caribbean instalment.
Which is not to suggest these, or the other releases coming in the next two months, aren’t worth your time or money. In fact, some are sure to answer such burning pop-culture questions as, “Grandma, are Spartan warriors the next gay cowboys?” and, “Grandpa, are machine-gun legs the new action heroine accessory?”
Here then, are the 10 films to watch this spring, before summer kicks off with that low-budget art film Spider-Man 3 on May 4.
1: 300 (March 9)
If watching two meaty walls of muscular, scantily clad men clash in heaving, sword-wielding unison sounds more like a scene from a bathhouse than a battlefield, the producers of 300, Zack Synder’s lavishly stylized adaptation of Frank Miller’s graphic novel, are, in fact, banking on it. Why? Because if the man-flesh quotient of 300 attracts a completely unintentional demographic — gay male audiences more intrigued by beefcake than bloodshed — it could very well propel the movie into one of 2007’s earliest, and broadest-based, blockbusters. Not that it was ever going to be starved for filmgoers. Fanboys — eager for the first Miller fix since Sin City — are expected to flock to this said-to-be-visually stunning retelling of the Battle of Thermopylae in which a mere 300 Spartan warriors defended their territory and way of life against the mammoth Persian army. Not expected to turn out amid the droves of nerds and gay men? Women.
2: Grindhouse (April 6)
Grindhouse casts Rose McGowan as a zombie-battling amputee with an automatic weapon where her limb used to be. Whatever your feelings about Quentin Tarantino’s and Robert Rodriguez’s double-barrelled ode to ’70s exploitation, you can’t deny the infectiously callow carnality of their filmmaking endeavour. McGowan appears in Planet Terror, the Rodriguez-helmed segment of the faux double-feature; Tarantino directs Death Proof, a slasher flick starring Kurt Russell.
3: Blades of Glory (March 30)
Will Ferrell and Jon Heder (a.k.a. Napoleon Dynamite) play male figure skaters who, after they’re disqualified from competing, discover a loophole in the rules: They can skate again, but only as a pair. Will Arnett, Amy Poehler and The Office’s Jenna Fischer co-star. If you need more than that, take out an ad on a milk carton: Your sense of humour is missing.
4: Shooter (March 23)
Mark Wahlberg’s profanely propulsive turn in Martin Scorsese’s Oscar-winning crime opus The Departed proves he can steal scenes from Hollywood’s big dogs. So, while the plot for Shooter — a former Army sniper is framed as an assassin by shadowy forces — sounds like rehashed Jean Claude Van Damme, Wahlberg’s presence is perhaps reason to anticipate more. Then again, it is directed by the guy who made King Arthur and The Replacement Killers.
5: Reign Over Me (March 23)
Oh where art thou, Opera Man? Or Happy Gilmore? Sorry, you’ll have to wait until this summer for Adam Sandler to squander his gifts being, you know, funny. Until then, he’s taking yet another stab at the dramatic as Charlie, a man whose family was killed in the 9/11 attacks. The always-excellent Don Cheadle co-stars as Charlie’s college roommate. Reason to hope? The involvement of writer-director Mike Binder, whose The Upside of Anger was criminally underappreciated.
6: Disturbia (April 13)
You can almost hear the pitch meeting: “It’s Rear Window with teens”; Shia LaBeouf plays a troubled kid under house arrest who thinks his neighbour is a killer. But then we’d probably think the same thing if David Morse moved in next door. LaBeouf’s performance in this thriller — along with his turn in July’s Transformers — reportedly so impressed Steven Spielberg, he is rumoured to have cast the young actor as Indiana Jones Jr. in next summer’s sequel.
7: Hot Fuzz (April 20)
The creators of Shaun of the Dead follow up that cult comedy with this tale of a top London investigator (Simon Pegg), who is transferred to a small English town. Steve Coogan, Nick Frost and former Bond Timothy Dalton co-star.
8: Vacancy (April 20)
Luke Wilson and Kate Beckinsale discover the motel has eyes when they realize their room is the set of a snuff film. The trailer looks sufficiently creepy, although we wonder if having bugs slithering across the walls hints at perhaps a bit of overkill on the part of the filmmakers.
9: Fracture (April 20)
Newly minted Oscar nominee Ryan Gosling portrays a lawyer convinced Anthony Hopkins got away with the murder of his wife. One of those cinematic games of cat and mouse ensues.
10: Balls of Fury (April 27)
Is ping-pong the new dodgeball?
The braintrust — and we use the term loosely — behind this comedy, set in the world of underground ping-pong tournaments, certainly hope so. We’d be skeptical if not for the presence of Christopher Walken, an actor capable of making a paddle scary.
ALSO PLAYING
Fido: Think Pleasantville with zombies. Billy Connolly, Carrie-Anne Moss and Dylan Baker star in this Canadian-made, darkly Tim Burton-esque comedy. (March 9)
The Namesake: The son of Indian immigrants tries to fit in in New York City. (March 9)
Premonition: Sandra Bullock’s husband (Julian McMahon) is killed in a car crash and turns up alive the next day. Bullock then tries to use her knowledge of the future to save his life. Or maybe let him die, since she finds out he’s been cheating. (March 16)
I Think I Love My Wife: Chris Rock writes, directs and stars in this comedy about infidelity. (March 16)
Dead Silence: Can the makers of Saw do for puppets what they did for torture chambers? (March 16)
First Snow: Guy Pearce stars as a salesman who is told by a psychic he’s going to die before the first snow. (March 23)
TMNT: It’s not the latest Ted Turner cable channel, but rather, a CG-animated redo of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Patrick Stewart and Sarah Michelle Gellar lend their voices to the project. (March 23)
The Last Mimzy: A box of toys unleashes magical powers. Rainn Wilson a.k.a. Dwight from The Office co-stars as probably someone weird. But that’s just a guess. (March 23)
Pride: Remember the titans? Yeah, so did the makers of this film, about a teacher in the 1970s who started a swim team for disadvantaged kids, inspiring them to, at the very least, dog-paddle. Terrence Howard stars. (March 23)
The Hills Have Eyes 2: A second helping of radioactive, mutant, in-bred cannibals. (March 23)
Meet The Robinsons: An orphan travels to the future thanks to a time machine and a stranger named Wilbur Robinson in this Disney animated film. (March 30)
Firehouse Dog: A celebrity dog gets separated from his owners and is adopted by a firehouse. (April 4)
The Reaping: Hilary Swank plays a debunker of supernatural phenomenon who travels to a Louisiana town where she’ll need more than her belief in science to survive what appears to be the 10 plagues. (April 6)
The Hoax: Richard Gere stars in this real-life story of a guy who convinced everyone his Howard Hughes biography was real. (April 6)
Are We Done Yet? It’s an Ice Cube sequel. I’d say we were done a long time ago. (April 6)
Perfect Stranger: Halle Berry and Bruce Willis star in this thriller about sex and strangers on the Internet. (April 13)
Spring Breakdown: Amy Poehler, Parker Posey and Rachel Dratch agree to watch over their boss’ daughter (Amber Tamblyn) during spring break. Hilarity ensues.(April 13)
Year of the Dog: Saturday Night Live alum Molly Shannon turns up in this comedy about people and the pets they love. From Mike White, who wrote School of Rock. (April 13)
The Nanny Diaries: One reason to have a child: You can hire a nanny who looks like Scarlett Johansson. Paul Giamatti and Laura Linney co-star in this comedy about a poor girl who gets a chance taking care of a rich but loopy family. (April 20)
In The Land of Women: Adam Brody discovers if there’s life — or at least work — after The O.C. (April 20)
Pathfinder: Dances with Vikings. A Norse baby is raised by Native Americans, who are attacked 20 years later by the same rapers and pillagers he was abandoned by. (April 27)
The Invisible: A teenager is killed and walks around his life feeling invisible. (April 27)
The Condemned: After numerous supporting roles (including playing Juggernaut in X-Men 3), former soccer star Vinnie Jones tries to prove he has the balls to make it as an action hero. (April 27)
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