“Its a day late and he’s indifferent?!?! Well, I am speechless!!”

The Couch Potato Report – July 20th, 2005
This week The Couch Potato Report features two films that I nether loved or hated.
It is very rare that an edition of The Couch Potato Report has two films that I am indifferent toward.
Usually I will really like at least one of the films I am reviewing.
But this week, indifference is the order of the day.
Since it doesn’t really matter, let me start with the supernatural action film CONSTANTINE.
Keanu Reeves follows up the very successful MATRIX TRILOGY by playing a man who keeps a delicate balance between Heaven and Hell.
CONSTANTINE is based on the very unique comic book Hellblazer. The comic is unique because it is part horror, part action and part fantasy.
Sadly, the film is never horrific enough, doesn’t have enough action, and the fantasy elements are okay at best.
Even if you’ve never read or seen the comic, that statement is true.
The film’s title character is John Constantine. He walks the streets of Los Angeles to eradicate those who don’t belong on this mortal coil in order to ensure that “the balance” between God and the devil is maintained.
Throw in a police officer who is trying to clear up the mystery surrounding her sister’s death and some comments on religion and Catholic salvation, and that is CONSTANTINE.
To its credit, CONSTANTINE is never boring. There is enough things going on in the film – either actually on screen or in your head due to the script – that you will feel like seeing how it ends.
But once it ends, that is when the indifference will come.
The film isn’t bad, but it isn’t good either.
It is just there, and then its over.
If you like cinematic comic book adaptations, or really loved THE MATRIX TRILOGY, then perhaps your feelings after watching the film will be different than mine.
I however, remain just as indifferent to CONSTANTINE after seeing it twice, as I did after seeing it just once.
Once was enough for this week’s other new film, the not great, but not bad ICE PRINCESS.
If you know a young lady who enjoyed THE PRINCESS DIARIES films then this is another movie for her.
It is a fairy tale for girls who dream about what or who they would like to be.
Michelle Trachtenberg of EUROTRIP and BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER is an A plus student who begins studying the science of figure skating as a project to get a University scholarship.
Along the way she discovers that not only does she have talent, she likes figure skating.
And to simplify the rest of the synopsis, with the help of her coach, her parents, and the boy who drives the Zamboni machine, nothing can stop her from having her dreams come true!
ICE PRINCESS doesn’t take itself too seriously, and admittedly it is geared for a younger audience than me, but in the end the film just follows the tried and true movie formula of: dream, go for your dream, dream comes true.
Had it given its audience something more, I might happily recommend it.
As it is, the film isn’t bad, but it isn’t good either.
It is just there, and then its over.
As for me, I’m just indifferent, toward both of this week’s releases.
That said, CONSTANTINE and ICE PRINCESS are both available now at a store near you.
THE UPSIDE OF ANGER is one of my favourite films of 2005, and it is finally available on video and DVD. Joan Allen from THE NOTEBOOK and PLEASANTVILLE plays a woman who’s husband has vanished without a trace. The film is about her attempts to save herself and her family. It is a superb movie!
Another superb film, for a different reason is the one that Steve Martin made his film debut in back in 1979. Now, in 2005, we have a 26th ANNIVERSARY EDITION of THE JERK.
We also have the THIRD SEASON of the late nineties TV show SLIDERS, the show about four people who found a gateway to another dimension, but they forgot one problem… how to get back!
I’m Dan Reynish and I will have more on SLIDERS, THE JERK, THE UPSIDE OF ANGER, and some other releases in seven days.
For now, that’s this week’s COUCH POTATO REPORT.
Enjoy the movies and I’ll see you back here next week on The Couch!