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The Couch Potato Report – September 14th, 2004
This week in The Couch Potato Report, there are two films that are, plain and simply, awful!
People say to me all the time, “You’re so lucky! You get to watch movies as a part of your job.”
I’ll usually just politely agree, but sometimes, just sometimes, I’ll them how for every good movie I get to see there are two bad ones.
This week, that average holds true as there is one good movie and two films that are so bad, so idiotic and so unwatchable that I am forced to decree that they are, and I’ll say it again, simply awful!
SCOOBY-DOO 2: MONSTERS UNLEASED is so bad I’m not sure how I even sat through all of it.
Granted, I didn’t think the first one was LA DOLCE VITA either, but at least the first one had its moments.
All this film has is the time I gave it while I sat there and watched it.
In SCOOBY DOO 2 the live-action detective team with the computer animated pooch open a museum exhibit of costumes of their old foes.
And wouldn’t you know it, a new masked foe appears and steals everything and all the costumes come to life.
Will Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy and Scooby Doo prevail in the end?
Well I’m not going to be the one to tell you. If you want to know you’ll have to sit through the movie like I did.
But trust me, you don’t want to doo that! That’s “doo” with two o’s, by the way.
Denzel Washington’s latest film MAN ON FIRE is also doo with two o’s,
In MAN ON FIRE Washington is a man who seeks vengeance on kidnappers in Mexico who have taken the little girl he was hired to protect.
There’s not much I can actually say about this film without giving away the totally idiotic, unbelievable and stunningly ludicrous ending.
As bad as that ending, and this movie is, I don’t want to give anything away if you are actually going to watch it.
And I could see why you would want to watch it. MAN ON FIRE reunites Washington with his CRIMSON TIDE director Tony Scott, and since that movie was pretty good, my thoughts going in was that the film would be pretty good.
Trust me – its not good at all!
The film is so chopped up by edits and other screen tricks that the interesting premise and talents of Denzel Washington are completely wasted.
It is truly a movie where style trumps substance.
If that interests you, then go ahead and watch it. If you ask me if you should watch it, I have three words for you. No. No. No!
Okay, so lets overcome this week’s bad with a movie that’s good.
HOME ON THE RANGE is the new hand drawn animated film from Walt Disney.
I mention that it is hand drawn because hand drawn animation on new films looks outdated to some.
With computer animation allowing films like FINDING NEMO and SHREK to overwhelm us with how they look, a film like HOME ON THE RANGE suffers a bit by comparison.
This is not a bad movie, I actually liked it a lot and I think kids will too, but it will be forever cursed with being in the shadows of all the computer animated, and Disney greats that came before it.
A trio of cows voiced by Roseanne, Dame Judi Dench and Jennifer Tilly, hit the high prairie, with the aid of a horse that has heroic ambitions, to track down a cattle rustler in hopes that the reward money will save their farm.
The songs in the film are all pleasant to listen and sing along to, and they were composed by Alan Menken – whose pedigree includes writing the music for the animated classics THE LITTLE MERMAID and BEAUTY AND THE BEAST.
HOME ON THE RANGE isn’t bad, but it isn’t the best animated film you’ll see this year. I think kids will really enjoy it, and in the end isn’t that who animated films are for anyway?
The good HOME ON THE RANGE and the bad SCOOBY-DOO 2: MONSTERS UNLEASHED and MAN ON FIRE are all available now on video and DVD at your local video store.
The hit teen film MEAN GIRLS stars Lindsay Lohan as a home-schooled teen who has to deal with students at her new school. Yes, it is a film for teens, but it is good for us adults too!
It’s been said that coffee and cigarettes aren’t good for you, but if you are curious about what they look like on film COFFEE AND CIGARRETTES might just be a picture for you.
The final new title next week is the DVD release of THE STAR WARS TRILOGY.
Man, I can hardly wait for that one!
I’ll have more on those, and some other releases, in seven days.
For now, that’s this week’s COUCH POTATO REPORT.
Enjoy the movies and I’ll see you back here next week on The Couch!